How Do You Do?

13: Yesterday

Cemeteries No. 1 (running) - Palaye Royale

Stevie

   I will never forgive Rick for what he did.

    They tell me that he got arrested when I finally woke up in Remington's car, with him in the back holding me. Drea had bought me new clothes. But I don't want new clothes. I want a new body.
   How did my mother have kids with such a monster? A monster that was willing to rape those very kids? I shudder. He didn't rape them, though. He raped me.
Disgust fills my soul and I throw up in a trash can once again. We just got back from the hospital, where they checked on Auggie and tended to me. The doctor prescribed me some morning after pills for tomorrow, feeling the ones Reina had bought useless. Tomorrow is suck a long time away.
Remington is changing the locks in my house, so my mother--no she doesn't even deserve to be called that. She let this happen to me. He's changing the locks so Eve can't come in. It's basically my house anyways, since I pay the bills for it out of my pocket. But I don't even want to look at this place anymore. Too many tainted memories, too many men, too much drugs, too much alcohol. To much poison.
   I continue to rock back and forth on my couch, thinking while clutching my knees to my chest. Remington glances at me for the seventh time in these passed five minutes. I know he's worried, he'll, we're all worried. What will this make me? What will be made inside of me? I don't want to carry the child of a man who raped me.
   I glance at the pills on the table. I don't understand why I can't just take them now. But the doctor says if I take them tomorrow it'll have a higher chance of preventing a pregnancy to occur. So I guess I've got to wait.
    The girls are sitting in the stairs and talking quietly, glancing at me every few seconds. I've invited them to stay--more like pleaded. I can't be alone with just the kids. We've all suffered from the same memory.
   Remington sets down the tools and walks towards me, kneeling down in front of me. It's odd, most rape victims say that all men freaked them out after the incident for a long time, but when Remington is around is the only time I'm calm. When he's around is the only time I feel safe.
"All the locks are changed, love. I'll call you in the morning." He gets up and starts to walk away, but I reach out in a panic and clasp his wrist. He looks back at me, surprised.
   "Please stay," I whisper out, my voice cracking. I just want to feel safe for a little longer. Remington's eyes soften when he sees my fear, and he sinks back down, only he sits next to me and hugs me.
"Always."

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

Everytime I fall asleep, I dream of the event with Rick. I wake up screaming bloody murder everytime, and everyone bursts into my room, even little Auggie and my sisters. I feel bad for them, they shouldn't have to see me like this.
Eventually Vienna, Drea, and Reina all decide to sleep on the floor of my room, making little makeshift beds to sleep comfortably on, while Remington sleeps on the couch downstairs. But everytime I wake up, so does everyone else.
It finally reaches a point where the band sleeps through my screams, too exhausted to open their eyes. But my siblings and Remington still come.
"Can we sleep with you, Stevie? It might help you sleep better too," Alice yawns, rubbing at her eyes while I pant, slowly calming down. I glance at the clock ant see that it's midnight. I've kept them up too long.
"Of course, my loves," I whisper out, giving them the best smile I can muster. Three little angels crawl into my huge bed and cuddle up with me. Remington silently peeks his head in to check on me again, and sees the four of us all bundled up, and smiles. I motion him over, and he walks over immediately, sinking softly into the edge of my bed.
"What's up, princess?" He asks me softly, and can't help but slightly smile at his nickname.
"Can you sleep here too?" I ask him quietly, both out of shyness and because the children are dosing off. He hesitates a bit, but nods, and slips into the bed with the kids and me. Ali brought up a good point, maybe I'll sleep better surrounded with people that make me feel safe.
And she was right, because for the final time that night, I dose of cuddled into Remington, my brother and sisters surrounding us.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•
I wake up by the birds singing in the morning outside, bright sun rays slightly shinning through my windows. I slide out of bed and start to stretch, but pain shoots through my body, making my cripple and cry out. The pain is worse than yesterday.
I freeze. Yesterday. Darkness clouds me as I remember what happened, and I start to get anxious. I glance at my clock to see it's 5:30 in the morning. The sun rises early in Nevada I guess. I grab my leather song book and quietly tip toe to the studio, making sure not to step on anyone. Once I successfully leave my room and shut the door, I open the door to the studio, and close it. I grab my mint green acoustic guitar and just start strumming on it, practicing and creating new melodies. I end up creating a pretty tune in minor, and the lyrics just follow, and so I waste no time in jotting them down before figuring out the bass parts to the song. I decide a beautiful walking bass line in the same minor chord fits beautifully, and the more I feel at peace. People say that it takes a long time to get over the trauma that someone like me has gone through, but the more I work on music, the less I feel the pain, and the more serenity fills me. Maybe music is my cure after all.