A little shy

Ch7- Moving

I am so stinkin tired 😴 Brace yourselves for some typos! Enjoy lovelies ❤️

This chapter contains self harm, so if it is triggering to you, I would recommend proceeding with caution! Take care, and stay safe lovelies! And H.O.P.E. (Hold on, pain ends)
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*Molly's POV*
Rayne brings me back to my house and I do a double take. I'd forgotten that I packed everything up. Despite being glad to have a place to stay, and someone who claims to love me, I still have a sinking feeling in my stomach as I look around my apartment.

"Why don't you double check that you've got everything," Rayne says, snapping me out of my thoughts, "I'll start packing boxes!" He smiles and grabs two large boxes- stacking and lifting them up with ease.

I walk rounds through my small front room and kitchen, before finally checking the bathroom. I open the cabinet mirrors and find a tube of toothpaste.

As I close the mirror, a sparkle catches my eye. I stand on tip toe and pull out my razor blade, a tool I'd nearly forgotten I had. Without hesitation, I stuff it in my bra and close the cabinet before returning to the front room.

Rayne is walking out with the last box, so I numbly follow, closing and locking my door behind me. I feel like a zombie, lifelessly wandering the hallways and stairwells.

I turn my door key in at the front desk, and curl my finger nails into my palms where the key once was. Rayne says something about getting home and I laugh inside a bit.

As if.

As if it'll be my home once he realizes what a terrible burden I am. I'm working as many hours as I can and it's still not enough to pay rent and meds.

I press a hand over my heart and the blade digs reassuringly into my breast.
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The entire car ride, I find myself faking; smiling and replying at all the appropriate times, but not truly feeling happy. I do, however, have a sudden rush of emotion when we pull into Rayne's driveway.

I gape at the house before me, utterly shocked by its grandeur.

It. Is. HUGE.

I am in awe at the design of the structure; the intricate carvings in the wood that frames the porch, and hangs elegantly beneath the gutters, the polished windows, the beautiful, open yard...

"Wow..." I breathe.

Rayne laughs sheepishly. "I know it's a bit...much. I hope you'll like it here!!"

I stare up at him dumbstruck. "I haven't so much as stepped outside and I love it," I reply.

He looks genuinely happy with my response and offers his hand to me. "C'mon, I'll show you around!"

I take Rayne's hand and feel a surge of comfort. Despite myself, I am soothed by his strong, sure grip. He leads me to the front door and opens it.

Immediately, my eyes grow wider. If the outside of his home is beautiful, the inside is breath-taking. I feel as though I've stepped into a different world.

Rayne's house isn't the rich kind where you're afraid to sit on furniture lest you misplace a cushion; it is fancy, yes- but very welcoming. A place that feels cozy and draws you in.

A large, slightly worn sofa and a ginormous flat-screen television are the first things I see in what I presume is the living room. A cleverly placed coffee table and two matching lamps add to the decor.

Paintings of forests adorn the walls- they look like doorways to another world!

This room alone is overwhelming; it's larger than my entire appartment.

I feel myself shutting down, as fascinated as I am, I know I don't belong here.

I ask Rayne where his bathroom is, and he leads me to a hallway with the instructions third door on the right.

I sit on the floor and curl my knees to my chest, taking a shuddering breath. I am in way over my head- I fear for my financial security. I fear for what will happen when I take my last pill. Rayne is being so generous, but he barely knows me. The real me. The me that isn't a perfect librarian, or a sweet young girl-

But who I know I am inside.

I grit my teeth and dig my nails into the bathroom rug, desperately hanging onto something solid and real as I fight the tears welling up.

The sudden bunching of muscles brings a sting to my chest.

My blade..!

I know what must be done. I don't want to fall apart again tonight. I quickly fish the tiny, silver blade out and yank up my sleeve.

Scars liter my forearm- thickening the skin and giving it a strange, textured appearance.

I dig the blade in and make one quick gash, then feeling all the worry and rage and self hate I have bubbling over, I become lost in the relief- a slave to my addiction.

I'm not sure how many cuts follow, but I become aware of reality quite suddenly when a drop of blood hits the tile.

I curse quietly and open the toilet, letting the flowing blood splash into the bowl, and yanking a wad of toilet paper off the roll to staunch the bleeding.

Once I'm confident that I've got the damage under control, I wipe the drop of blood from the floor, and flush the whole mess twice for good measure.

I wrap my arm with fresh toilet paper, and hurriedly tug my sleeve back down.

This whole ordeal takes a while, and I shuffle out of the bathroom, embarrassed. I hate taking a long time.

Rayne waves me over when I return to the front room and his face lights up. "Sorry I took so long," I mutter softly, but Rayne seems to sense my embarrassment. "There's a lot to take in! It's ok."

"...yea!" I reply, feeding off the lie. I was too absorbed in my head to notice anything, but that's less embarrassing than assuming I used the restroom like...that.

He takes my arm and I wince, fearing the he'll notice the crinkly makeshift bandage, but he just beams down at me.

"Let me show you to your room!" He exclaims like he's giving me a birthday present.

I tag along behind him and we stop in front of a door.

"Welcome to Paradise!" He says with a flourish, swinging the door wide and revealing a tropical wonderland.
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I hope this chapter doesn't stink as bad as I think it does, but I feel like it was some necessary character development! 😁 Extra long as an apology for my lack of an update!! MORE UPDATES WILL HAPPEN ON TIME, I PROMISE!!! Thank you for reading my lovelies! YOU, my readers, inspire me to keep writing ❤️