there's this new normal for me following through my mother's death

nothing will ever be the same again

though there seems to be progress
no matter how gradual

for instance,
ive started talking to ashton, calum and michael, 
even sitting with them at lunch again
the whispers and the stares managed to subside

dad's barely home from work 
but it's better than wallowing over his grief, his health slowly deteriorating at home  

i don't feel like offing myself or being stupidly enthusiastic these days

and it may all be because of stacy

took me awhile before i saw her in a different light,
the one where i might end up holding her hand and wrapping my arms around her

four days ago the sky was all clouded up,
stacy was getting worked up with her broken iPod,trying to make it work
in that moment i looked up from my book, 
my eyes flitting towards her, pausing

without that out of nowhere spike of adrenaline i wouldn't have kissed her
i           kissed        her
her lips were sweet and i was wild,
like heroine to a drug addict

we held hands the whole night, gently swinging back and forth
and since then it's been a good kind of different
it was like i was normal again
like nothing ever happened three months ago

i think my heart tells my mind that she feels the same way too 
i think she's all i need
and i don't want to let go


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