she died six years ago

i've gone crazy
she's gone

i'm insane

i lost my head

i haven't seen her since that day michael told me about what happened to her

i didn't believe him

and even now i still don't

how can i?

stacy was anything but dead
she was anything but a ghost

she was sad

but she was alive, breathing

so what does this article about a teen's death from a car accident dated 2010 mean?
an article with a picture of a girl with the same eyes, same hair, same smile as stacy?
an article i've skimmed through one three, six summers ago, felt sad about, never thought about again?

i've racked my brain a couple times since that day
not sure what to feel,
what to do,
what to believe in

months ago i thought life couldn't get any worse than it was

i was clearly mistaken

it seems that the numbness faded
it hurts so much
im falling apart, falling farther
i just need her
i need to feel her presence

i can't stomach the fact that she's gone forever she's gone she's gone

she's my clarity

i would rather have her here next to me
than for her to spread out her wings,
come back home too soon

this desire is killing me
desperation choking me

everything ive learned about her is an irony,
well spun lies

because what i felt,

everything she managed to make me feel,
and i mean it in the present and the future tense

i cant take it anymore
i want to break free and find her,
bring her back
for me to tell her that it's all fake
and she's here and we're all that matters

i cant fathom the thought of her leaving me
without saying goodbye
without me knowing why
i cant lose her

i stare at the empty swing
the one which used to contain her
and this dark heavy feeling attacks me,
the black hole inside me sucking me in
im still waiting for her

i miss her

and then i see her

in the middle of the road

i call her out
and she turns as her name leaves my lips
she smiles my favorite smile

i hear an engine revving, see a car rushing by

i jump just in time
to save the both of us

the impact sends us flying into asphalt

but she vanished

and that was the last thing i remember

before everything went black






this was too much to write and iT'S ALMOST OVER AHHHH IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST THO MICHAEL ALMOST TURNING TWENTY ONE PERHAPS IS FASTER
DAMN SON CAN YOU BELIEVE THE RAINBOW TRASH IS TURNING A YEAR OLDER IN TWO DAYS I CANT

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