not a dream ; connor franta fanfiction

Chapter 18

*the day of Taylor's funeral*

It was about 2 am and I was still up just thinking.

Jc had arrived in Minnesota last night and he had a hotel not far away from my house. He was also there with Ricky, Kian, Sam, and Tyler (Oakley). They're all going to be attending the funeral as well.

I really did not want to go to this funeral. I didn't want to see my dead girlfriend. I didn't want her to remind me of all the good times we've had together. I didn't want to go. But of course, I had to.

I still kept the ring she gave back to me that night. It sat on my desk on the other side of the room. I haven't touched it since that day. I'm scared I'll break down in tears if I touch it and it floods me with all of our memories.

~5 am~

There's about 7 hours until the funeral now. Im still just laying in bed. But now I was on twitter. I replied to some tweets that some people sent me. I still haven't told them about taylor, but I was planning to make a video about it. Today maybe? I'm not sure. Probably before the funeral.

~7 am~

I finally got up and was now setting up my old lights that I used for videos when I was in high school. I set up my camera on the tripod and hit record.

"Hey guys. Do this week it's not going to be anything special. No skits or ask Connors. I just want to talk." I said not-so-enthusiastically. "So I've only told my family and close friends this...but Taylor died last week." I started tearing up just talking about it. "Sorry if I cry it's just....i miss her so much." I wiped away my tears and tried to keep talking. "We went out for dinner, she got mad, I told her I never wanted to see her again, and she ran off. Only later to be hit by a drunk driver." I stopped for a second to stop me from crying. "The worst thing is that I never got to say goodbye." I put my head in my hands and tried to stop crying...but failed. "Today's her funeral." I stopped talking for a second. "I'm sorry, that this video is so short. I don't want to cry in front of you guys and I don't really want to talk about this anymore." I waved at the camera. "Bye guys."

I stopped recording and left everything there. I sat just there and cried. Why couldn't I die? She didn't deserve to die. I could've saved her life if I have just ran after and not been such a jerk.