GAY AS A MEATBALL (Scomiche)

I'm A Hungry Girl

Scott's POV

I watched as Mitch ran around, quickly getting ready for bed, but he kept avoiding my eyes. Every night before this, Mitch would call out a "night, Scott," and I'd respond "night, Mitch," right before we went to sleep, but tonight he was already in bed and facing away from me, and hadn't said anything. He was mad, no doubt about it. And I guess he had every right to be, I had gotten absurdly pissy with him and everyone else after he kissed Avi. What had gotten into me?

I couldn't pinpoint why, but as soon as I saw Mitch leaning in towards Avi, I got mad. My guts wrenched uncomfortably and I wanted to punch something. Avi, maybe. I couldn't believe it when he kissed back, didn't he know Mitch was gay? And Mitch had just admitted to, what, liking him? He was totally leading Mitch on, and that wasn't okay.

I climbed into my bunk and got under the covers, and although it was past 2am, my mind was racing too fast to be able to sleep anytime soon. Slow down, Scott. You're definitely overreacting. Mitch didn't confess any real emotional attachment to Avi, it was just a dare. Plus, it was only a peck on the cheek, they didn't make out for god's sake. Ugh. Just considering the two of them making out made me feel nauseous all over again.

I wanted to be fine with Mitch's sexuality, I really did. When I thought through the idea of two men being in love and... getting intimate... I honestly didn't have a problem with it. It was their business, not anyone else's, and I absolutely supported their rights to marry and adopt and be openly together in every way. To prove to myself that I was fine with it, I pictured random male celebrities kissing each other. It felt a little weird to do, but I didn't have the same twist in my stomach that I had when I thought of Mitch and Avi.

Was it because I had to share a room with Mitch? I considered how I'd feel if he brought a boy over. I didn't like it very much, but I knew he might, and I'd absolutely never tell him he couldn't. That would be such a dick move, and I would always put his happiness above my discomfort, even though we hadn't known each other for very long.

I'd finally settled myself down enough to drift off, with just a few muddled ideas still drifting around in my mind. Maybe it was the way Avi had reacted that had set me off? He had been so casual about it, like kissing Mitch meant absolutely nothing. Avi never seemed nervous around Mitch—I wished I could be the same way. There's no reason for him to put me on edge. He's lovely, and obviously my awkwardness is making him sad and angry, and I don't want that. I want him to know that I really do like him, and respect his sexuality, but every time I try to convey that, I feel like I make things even worse.

As I'm really falling asleep, one final thought crosses my mind. Does Mitch really find Avi more attractive than me? I mean, I know I'm lanky and less rugged-looking than Avi, but... I've gotten used to Mitch trying to keep from staring when I change sometimes, and I assumed that meant he liked what he saw. And I guess that made me a little proud. Who doesn't like to be aesthetically appreciated? I guess I was wrong, though, if Avi is more his type. I'm so stupid for caring at all, I can't believe I got... jealous. So I was maybe a tiny bit jealous. That's all.

I woke up almost ten hours later, apparently the first week of college really took it out of me. I glanced over at Mitch's bed, but it was empty. Pulling myself up out of mine, I scrubbed my face with my hands and noticed I'd let myself get a little scruffy. My face wasn't half bad at beard-growing, and I often thought it looked kinda cute, but Alex hated it, and we had plans to Skype at 5, so I guess it had to go.

After a quick shower and shave, I walked over to my closet and pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans and tried them on. I'd bought them once when I'd gone to the mall alone and gone a little crazy in an H&M. I thought I looked hot in the changing room, but once I brought them home and tried to wear them with regular shirts, I was super self-conscious of how they hugged my ass and thighs. Basketball shorts served me fine anyway. Once again my self-doubt won out and I was pulling the pants back off when I heard the door open behind me.