Lately it's been highly hard for me to even look Javan in the eyes and then look at his daughter Aria. I can't stand the fact that he has a daughter by another woman and that he cheated on me. When people talk about a heart break they never mentioned that it feels like the whole world is against you and nothing is supposed to go your way. I constantly catch myself crying every night thinking about the whole situation. In a way I hate myself for even trusting him and believing everything that he's told me but I also feel like it's not my fault. Being a ride or die chick is hard asf because your always hurt in the process, but love that person to much to leave. My feelings for Javan are fucked up. I'm confused I don't know if he even actually loves me because nobody that loves you that much should ever do this to you knowing that it's gonna hurt you but still continue. He's been smoking a lot lately I can tell he's stressed about the whole situation. Aria likes me a lot she's always following me around I know that if I leave she'd be crushed that the main reason why I stay. Javan avoids all questions about this situation. Nothing has been going right for me lately. I don't think he understands how hurt I am right now.
" mommmyyyyyyy"
Aria came running into my room and she jumped on me. I started laughing
Me: yes what's up
Her: daddy's taking us to the mall so get dwessed.
Me: ok just give me a minute.
I got off the couch and went up to "our" room he talked me out of moving into one of our guess rooms. He actually begged that I didn't. When I got in the room he was on the bed all dressed with his shoes and everything on. He looked up at me and got up off the bed.
Him: yo when we gone stop with this shit
Me: Wym
Him: all this shit we still together but we don't talk
Me: honestly I just want the truth about all this. You don't seem like you wanna tell me
Him: whatchu mean
Me: you always avoid questions I ask.
He licked his lips and sighed.
Him: all I know is that if I tell you shit you gonna leave.
Me: then whats the point of me being your ride or die girl.
He started smiling showing his gold cross on his upper tooth and his silver bottoms.
Him: aii man you wanna know the story I'll tell you. Long story short in the middle of our relationship I met this girl Camia at a party. We started talking and shit after the party we exchanged numbers I did mention I have a girlfriend but she was just like it's ok I'm just trying to be your friend I said ok. I don't know a bout a week later she invited me to he friends party. that day we got into an argument because I found out you were talking to that nigga Cameron again so I left and went to the party when I got there I started drinking hard and getting high she found me and eventually came up to talk to me. She had on this tight back dress with pink stripes that had slits on the side that barely covered her ass. She just look so fucking sexy to me everything was sitting right in that dress he boobs and her huge ass. She pulled me on the dance floor and she started dancing with me i started to get hard. I guess she felt it because she pulled me upstairs to a empty room. We start kissing and all that extra shit. Eventually we fucked. Like I knew it was wrong but I couldn't help it. For 3 months straight we started fucking at least 3 times a week the sex was good. I never had the guts to even tell you what went down and the party so I just started avoiding you. A couple weeks later she told me she wasn't feeling well and that she was gonna go to the doctors she said she wanted me to follow her so I did. When we got there they made her take all these test about 20 minutes later they came out and they said that she was umm about 3 months pregnant at first I didn't think the kid was mine so I kept denying her. Eventually I got a call saying she just gave birth to a baby girl. I was at work at the time so I left and went up to the hospital. She kept saying the kid was mines but I denied it we took a DNA test and it turns out that the kid was mine. I didn't want to tell you because I always told you I don't want any kids so I just hid it from you. I told her that since the kids mine I'll help her with her. I got attached to that little girl I started loving her from the first time I held her. Weeks and months when past and I started giving her money for the kid and shit. Then one day I think it was the day before our anniversary we got into another argument and I left and went to her house I told her about our argument and again I started drinking and smoking because it was stressing me out having a kid to worry about and a girlfriend that wants kids and is always so emotional about wanting kids and it started to annoy me. Eventually I got horney and I left and went home to you who didn't wanna fuck what's so ever I got fed up and went back to her house we ended up fucking. Years we by and I never really did stop having sex with her and taking care of my daughter. And the whole thing kinda ended a couple days ago when I took Aria from her she just really wanted Aria so she can fuck me.
