Shit, I'm Falling For A Weasley || George Weasley

Chapter 42 - In which I gain an unexpected ally

"George you don't need to explain. I don't want yo-" I start, my mind racing of all the dangerous scenarios that could happen.

"No you listen. It's my turn to talk," he cuts me off abruptly and I purse my lips, glaring at him. Why can't he just let me do what needs to be done? 

Yes, I had a lovely break. Yes, it made me reaffirm all the reasons I wanted to do all this in the first place. Yes, I feel like I can now fight harder and stronger for what I want. But that doesn't mean I want George to uproot his life for me. 

"You told me a secret. One that only three people alive know. It's a secret that you've kept to yourself for so long I don't think you even realise what it's doing to you," George rambles in a hushed voice, but I'm barely paying attention to anything he's saying.

I'm not that special. I mean, in some respects I am special. I'm special enough to be cursed and burdened with a task that could potentially determine the outcome of the war. I'm special enough to be outcasted by both sides and have just the right amount of good and darkness in me to not know where I belong. I'm special enough that people don't see me as someone whose a person anymore. 

"I can't let you go, not when I know your secret. And you might not remember who I am to you, you might not care anymore, but I do. I care so damn much about you Lily and you can't just tell me I can't do things because I care about you."

I'm just Lily. The girl who keeps to herself. The girl who hides in the shadows. The girl who people just whisper about. If I just take all that away, because all of it is due to external things that happened to me. Things that were out of my hands and control so if I just take it all away for one second- who's left behind? 

"You made your choice to forget who you were but something happened. Something had to happen for you to make that choice and you were so scared and wrapped up in your mind about what it's going to do to you, to us, that you thought to yourself you couldn't come to me and talk to me about it. You had to go off and just make that choice yourself. Well not this time Lily."

No one.

I'm no one special. 

"No." 

The word comes out of my mouth by itself as I stare out the window. 

"No?" 

"There may have been a time where I had to answer to you and explain myself to you but now that's not the case. I'm grateful for the kindness you've shown me, but at the end of the day you can't expect me to let you into everything that's going on. You can't hold a grudge against me for not telling you about everything either. Firstly because I, as of right now, don't remember why I did it so I can't offer you any closure or whatever you're looking for. And secondly I know me. And if you truly believe you know - knew me too, then you must know that I wouldn't do anything unless I truly believed it was the right thing to do." I say, my voice rising as I get into my little speech. 

"Lils," George starts.

"My name is Lily." I say interrupting him. George blinks at me for a second, as he takes a second to process what I've said and then just gives me a grim smile.

"Lily. I know you believed it was the right thing to do, but I also know that you have this tendency to take the world's problems on your shoulders and keep them to yourself. Which is fair enough but at the same time just like how you tell me I cannot blame you for not wanting me to care, you cannot blame me for caring," George says in a level voice.

I purse my lips. He does have a point, but the stubborn part of me does not want to accept it. I keep getting myself involved in these messes, first with Malfoy and now George. I can't afford it. It's too risky for the mission and there's just too much at stake.