Shit, I'm Falling For A Weasley || George Weasley

Chapter 29 - Argent vs Fowler (Part 4)

The dreary weather seems to match my mood. It's as if the world knows that today- I- Lily Argent, just really feel... crap. There isn't a reason as to why I'm in this mood, but I can't shake it. That's why I've escaped to one of the tallest towers and decided to spend my afternoon just watching the rain fall. 

I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I was more normal. If I wasn't an orphan and had my parents. If You-Know-Who didn't exist and we were just a normal family. Okay so some things would be the same, like personalities and all, but otherwise we wouldn't have this burden on our shoulders. We wouldn't be branded as one of the darkest families of all time. I would actually know who my mother was. Whether she would laugh when my father would tell a bad joke or would she just give him a tired look? Where her eyes would give away her love for him as she tries to remain serious.

Would my father randomly surprise my mother with flowers? Or would he be more practical with his gestures like make dinner or something because that's more meaningful than a few plants? 

But most of all, what would they both do when I have a day where I just want to shut myself away from the world. Where I don't want to be Lily anymore and just want to escape. Would they see through my fake smiles and quiet self, or would they just deem it to be from stress? If they knew, how would they choose to comfort me? Mother might make me something special as father decides to dance with me until my fake smile becomes real. 

Whatever they would do, I'd like to believe that they wouldn't abandon me. That they'd stick by me no matter what questions I'm having about my identity and who I want to be. But the truth is, I don't know my parents so I won't know what they would in such a situation. Time to stop day dreaming. Time to wake up and realise the only person I can depend on in this world is myself. That way I know I'll never let myself down.

But then again, I'm always letting myself down. I'm letting my little 5 year old self down by suppressing the Fowler side of me and I'm letting my Argent self down because I'm allowing myself to think about being a Fowler and with that comes the inevitable darkness. So really who can I depend on? Who would even care about Lily Argent/Fowler that much that they would find a way to get a balance between the two? 

"Lils?" 

I jump slightly as the silent question running through my mind is answered. Or so my heart keeps telling me. But the heart is known to be naive.

"What are you doing up here?" George asks as I turn to face him. He leans casually against one of the walls, regarding me carefully. 

"I dunno. I guess I just wanted to be alone," I mutter, not really meeting his eyes. I know I'm being harsh but at the same time I want him to see through it all. I want him to break down my walls like no one has managed before. 

"How about we be alone together?" He suggests, getting a stony silence as a reply. But that doesn't deter him as he takes a seat next to me, hugging his knees to his chest. 

"One day, I'm going to look at you and know exactly what's going through your mind," he muses and I purse my lips.

"That's going to take a long time," I say after a pause. A really long time.

"It's a good thing I'm a pretty patient guy then isn't it?" He says in a jokey tone but as our eyes meet I can see he's not joking at all. The thought sends shivers down my spine. Why would he even bother caring about me that much? Why do I let him when I know he won't like the Fowler side of me at all? I know exactly why. I've been falling for this idiot for a while now. My stupid heart is holding onto the hope of having a happily ever after, but it's just going to be crushed when it realises Fowlers don't get a chance at happily ever afters.