Hell Of A Marriage {18+}

Chapter nineteen - The same thing

“She said ‘I love you.’” I reply, walking away from the window and towards the bed and I sit down next to him.

“Your wife proclaiming her affection towards you shouldn’t be something that would make you feel this disturbed.” If his ignorance hasn’t made me feel bad before, it just did.

I wouldn’t say I blame him, though. We have been in brief contact since I got back. In fact, we haven’t been friends for the last four years, not after he accused me of sleeping with Taylor, who was still then his girlfriend behind his back and broke Taylor’s heart. Since I came back into the country, I felt hurt by Taylor and I developed resentment towards him; he was the guy that hurt and broke Taylor’s heart and he was the one Taylor still chose over me. I kept my distance from them and have disclosed little information about himself to Rory well until now.

I needed my best friend just as much as he needed me, and I know I have to tell him the truth about everything.

“She’s not re–really - I’m not - we are not -” I sigh, “we aren't married we are, not really, but we shouldn't be.”

“I’m not following, Keenan. You would have to explain.” He tells me calmly.

And so I spend the next thirty minutes narrating the unfortunate tale that led to the union that Vary and I now share, and the look on his face isn’t one that I haven’t seen before.

He seems to picture everything that I’ve explained to him mentally. “So you mean it was an arranged/business marriage like mine and Paris?” He finally asks.

“No!” I answer in an instant. “you and Paris knew what you were doing, we didn’t. We got drugged or drunk so we just fooled around, and a few sessions of hot make-out and then got naked and married.” I reply, keeping it as clean as I can.

He shrugs indifferently, “Still the same thing.”

I rub my face hard and spoke in a defeated voice. “I don’t know what to do. She shouldn't have fallen in love with me? We agreed to live together for six months and then go our separate ways and it’s barely over a week and here we are!” I throw my hands up in defeat. “Why would she even fall in love with me?”

“It’s obvious,” his eyes piercing as they look at me, “her heart sees what you refuse to see, your goodness. You probably only see your ass.”

I angrily glare at him, although I can’t bring myself to get mad at him. “Truth is, I don’t want to hurt her, but I fear that’s what I’m going to do because I may never love her in return.” I bury my head in my palms.

“Never is a hard word,” he reminds me.

“That’s how hard it is for me to fall for her, Rory.” I honestly reply. The thought of moving on already hurts my heart.

Rory’s hand touches my shoulder and softly squeezes it making me look up at him. “Are you still... You know..?”

I know his question and as much as I want the answer to be no, it’s a yes. I’m still much in love with Taylor and I don’t think I’m going to get over her easily. It’s hard ignoring the one person who makes your heart beat faster and even though I know we will never work in this life, my heart just keeps hoping.

You can only give the heart to someone when it’s yours to give, right? My heart hasn’t been mine for the past four years, so I can’t even give it over to another.

And no matter what I tell myself, I am still not over Taylor Snowfall.

I nod. “Yes, I just can’t seem to get over her and even up till now, I still haven’t. I’m sorry Rory,” I apologise, feeling ashamed of my feelings.