Nothing Really Matters

Chapter Twelve ~ Staying Ability

Do you ever feel like you're too broken to continue on? Yet too broken to go back to how things were?

That feeling when you feel so strongly about someone, you just want to be near them, to watch them go about their life, to watch them achieve greatness. To just be part of that someone's life.

But what if that someone is setting themselves up for a fall and you can't help them. Do you get taken down with them? Or do you take a step back from that person that once made you feel so whole, so happy.

I don't have an answer to that question. Either way I'll regret my decision. I guess it's easier to let go.

After everything, why do I feel like I should let go? Let go of the one person who makes me feel so alive. The one person who sees the good and the bad in me and loves me anyway.

But I'm tired. My mind grows weary of the lies and the burdens we must bare and I can't take anymore. I need to get out while I still can.

"You're leaving?" Paddy furrows his eyebrows as he tries to make sense of my departure. "But I thought things were good here. Horse wise that is. I know the incident with Vincy has left you a little anxious but time will help that."

I really do wish to stay with Paddy and his yard but there's bad foundations surrounding this place. After the letter I got from the college querying about the lack of progress I've been making I think it's best to start a fresh. I've decided to drop out of college and apply for my jockeys licence. To return to what I'm good at. And to do it fairly.

"I'm sorry Paddy. I am going to apply for my licence though. So if you're stuck for a pilot at any time you can give me a call?" Tears started to well up in my eyes. I've grown very fond of this man.

"You're getting your licence? That's great! Ah so this is not the end for us Molly. Regardless how you and Jack have ended things.." He watches me intently as he threads carefully trying to figure out what's going on. 

"It wasn't very proper to begin with I suppose..." I lowered my head. The thought still stinging.

"That's what made it special..in my opinion." He added before hugging me warmly. "Don't stay away too long and I'll be making sure you ride for me every so often. Keep the other jockeys on their toes." He adds a wink. "You're a good girl Molly."

"Thank you for everything Paddy."

As I rounded the corner I met his grey blue eyes once more. Immediately I'm reminded of our first encounter and my stomach tightens in knots.

"You're leaving then?" He asked, his face had no expression. I could not read it.

"Not for forever...but yeah." I bit my bottom lip as the tension rose. Who would ever really know whether I would be coming back or not?

"Well., best of luck with everything then." He pulled the words together before hesitantly turning away and walking over to the tack room.

For a moment, I stood there dumbfounded until I gathered myself and exited the yard.

Goodbye, Jack Longwood.

PLEASE READ
A/n: so I updated!🙈 just a heads up the next chapter is more than likely going to be in the future, as in a good while from this present moment in time in the book..does this excite anyone? What would you like to see or happen?