This feels like hell. It's been two weeks and I still can't even look at him without bursting into tears. I sleep with the one sweatshirt(a/n hehe see what I did there) of his I actually kept. The fans are worried about me at meet and greets. I keep forgetting to eat.
This truly is what hell feels like. I wish I could just stop loving him. I wish I could just move on. I just don't know if I can. "Hey, princess, we have Magcon today," Taylor says softly as he enters my room. I nod my head and look down at Jacob's sweatshirt. "Why am I still so hung up on him?"
Taylor pulls me into him and says," You love him. You can't just be okay after you gave him months. You put your heart on the line and I know from experience that's not exactly easy to do." I wipe a tear away and clear my throat. "I'm gonna get dressed now." He stands up and pulls me up with him. He hugs me tightly and I stifle a sob. "It's okay to cry." The floodgates open, and in that moment I'm really happy that Taylor's here.
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I end up wearing whatever's in the front of my closet. I take my phone off of it's charger and I plug my headphones in. I play my sad playlist and go out to the car. I'm the first in as usual because I spend zero time on my hair, makeup, or anything else.
We finally make our way to the venue, and once we get there I go off by myself to a little corner. I do a few vocal exercises. One thing about this that I found weird is that my voice completely changed. It's soft and raspy but powerful now. The pop girly girl tone it had to it is completely gone.
I go over my music a little bit and I end up accidentally clicking on a song called Tomorrow by Chris Young. I start listening to it and run to find John. Once I see him I tell him I want to change my last song to this one.
After some begging, he finally agrees. I go to practice it while he gets the karaoke and all that set with the sound guys.
Once the show starts I participate a little more than usual. For the first time in two weeks I actually smile. I know the guys notice because Cameron hugs me and ruffles my hair.
Once we finally get to the singing portion of the show, I'm a ball of nerves. They've had me avoid singing sad music because they didn't want to trigger me in any way. Maybe this is what I need, though. Maybe this is what'll help me.
"Now our own little princess, Ally Dallas!" I walk out on stage and sing my normal little cookie cutter songs.
"Uh, so this song means a lot to me. It's Tomorrow by Chris Young. I hope y'all will love it as much as I do." I breathe deeply and give Ashton, the sound guy, a thumbs up. He starts playing the song and when I start singing I feel something.
I feel a hint of hope. Like I can make it without him. Like this pain is temporary. Then, it goes away just as quick as it came. Near the end of the song, I feel a tear slip down my face. Then a few more. And I feel arms around me. I turn and cry into whoever it is.
They walk me off the stage and I collapse on the floor. I get picked up and brought somewhere. When I finally look up, I see it's Taylor. He sets me down in a hallway and I slide to the floor. He comes and sits beside me.
"I thought I could do it. But I can't," I say, looking up at the ceiling. "I felt hope fore the first time and it went away so quickly. I just want to be okay." I look at him and he pulls me into him, hugging me tightly. I lay my head on his shoulder, too numb to cry.
"How can he be so okay when I feel like this? Why isn't this affecting him like it is me?" Taylor looks at me and says," Because you're actually in love. Jacob's just a boy. He doesn't realize how amazing and beautiful you are. He'll regret it, trust me."
"Taylor, what do I do? How can I move on?" He grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly," Forget about him. Find someone else who'll make you their world."
We go back finally, and Cameron hugs me tightly. "Are you okay?" he asks me. "I will be. I'm moving on. I'm done crying over him." He hugs me again and I feel tears prick my eyes. I stop them, though. "I'm so proud of you, baby sis."
