Christmas Heartache (Celebration Series 1)

Chapter Four- santa comes

Quite a heavy dream sequence so please don't read if you are not yet 13, and even then only with Parent Guidance. thanks for reading.

I don't know how it had happened but the children refused to let Dave just slip out as he wanted too. He seemed a little uncomfortable. The Hamper for christmas was misleading. I walked into the kitchen and it was like the mystery shopper had gone mad. The benches were covered in non perishable items of sugar, flour, and loads of christmas treats. Then there were three boxes on the floor that Jessie hadn't got to before she had been distracted with decorating the tree. I lifted the first. It was heavy. I opened it to find several cartons of eggs, and blocks of cadbury chocolates and lifting that out there was a large iced christmas cake. I gasped. My true christmas weakness. I had thought my waist line would benefit from there not being any around this year. I sighed. Could I take this? Could I accept?

A voice from the doorway, low and quiet said, "Yes you can." I jumped.

Giving a nervous laugh I said. "What are you a mind reader?"

"No but I heard the sigh. You can accept. These people have an abundance of goods. They have been badgering me to move some of it. So I did them a favour when an hour ago Jessie called and I dropped by to grab some, to go with the tree."

Do I say what is on my mind? "Bullshit."

Oops too late. It was out there hanging between us, who would back down. Where would this end up? I held the edge of the box and briefly closed my eyes. I didn't notice that he had come behind me. I could feel the heat of him and I daren't move in case I did something that would completely humiliate me. 'Real world....real world,' I kept chanting inside my head.

I felt something in the back of my head that slowly slid around to by my ear. "Please." He whispered. I sucked my lip into my mouth, biting it firmly. The moan that threatened to escape would have let on how he had affected me, and I couldn't live with that. Am I a coward? Is that what I've become? Is that what I have always been when it comes to my sexuality as a woman?

Dave hadn't moved. He was waiting, I felt like he was willing strength into my body through the limited contact we had, he quietly repeated, "Please. Do it for the children. If not for yourself."

He had me I nodded, imperceptibly. But he must have felt it because he moved away from me and I could hear his voice with the children in the living room. The front door shut. I let out the breath that I had held all that time. 'Real world. Real world." kept chanting again... you're a tired emotionally wrought widow. It meant nothing more than Christmas cheer, and by accepting it you were in his debt. Did I mind? I knew that my sub conscious would probably have fun distorting that fact when it got a chance.

The children rushed into the kitchen. We spent the rest of the night unpacking and sampling random things right our of the packets. The two remaining boxes needed to be packed into the freezer quickly as there were chicken pieces, and steaks. The generousity of this group knew no bounds. I couldn't believe that there were people around like this. I had tears running down my face several times. The children didn't say anything, but I knew that they understood. Christmas and new year picnics down at the park were going to be very well catered affairs.

Dave. He had changed the landscape of our christmas and New Year in a way that he probably didn't fully understand. I would be embarrassed if he found out just how desperate things had been for me. But I was determined to pass my sincere thanks onto the people who had been this generous. The children and I prepared a card and all wrote in it.

Tom stood over Jessis and I, he had just got out of the local pool, and decided to share The sun was bright and we had been sun bathing. So the shock to the system as he splashed whatever water he could over us was enough to leave us all laughing in a side splitting way. I was wearing my two piece that I only ever wore when I was with my family, and Jessie looked beautiful as always, her long hair and golden tanned skin. I took one more look as I put it in the envelope. Marking the front with a flourish. "Our Christmas Angels."

Smiling I tucked it into my school satchel. Back to it today. My stomach was all butterflies as I anticipated seeing Dave. I knew first day back that I wouldn't get to speak with him, as he would be flat out with student and parent enquiries. The secretary, Pam, had rung last night to say that my hours for the year were up if that suited me. I couldn't stop smiling. She also told me that Mr Phillips had been needed in the English department to cover some of the junior and one or two senior classes because of student numbers. That had sent another buzz of anticipation through me. I might see a little more of him if he was working at least some hours in the department, he would need to be at some of our faculty weekly meetings. I would put the note onto his desk with an attachment to please give to the food bank people.

Last nights dream was beginning to be a recurring one and I just had to accept there was no deep and meaningful reason behind them. Not to over analyse but treat it as an escape from the reality of sleeping alone every night.

"NO, not again pleassse." I begged. Trying to bring my hands down from above my head, I couldn't because they were held in place but I couldn't see with what because I was face down on the softest of beds.Then a stinging sensation hit me on my exposed cheeks. A husky voice that I knew all too well whispered, "Don't squirm like that. You need to take this. You can't speak to me that way. Do you understand now? Speak that way and you need to take your punishment." As he was speaking he roamed his hand gently over the cheek, caressing where he had just struck. I needed relief from the clenching in my core. I knew of only one thing that could do that, but my pride wouldn't let me ask for him.

His hands moved up my body, belying his stern tone, as he seemed to adore every curve and exposed part of me. He moved down lower and gently pushed my knees forward so was supported by my hands on the bed head, and my knees. His tone changed, "Show me."

Pretending ignorance, I asked in a breathy voice, " What?"

"Don't play games, I need you to want this. Spread your legs baby." He was leaning up over my body and blowing gently in my ear. He headed down to watch, I felt some escape in the fact that I couldn't see his face, and I felt so aroused that I was hoping for anything to bring me relief. I closed my eyes and ...

Ahh...every time. Every single time this dream left me panting and breathless. All I could figure is that my explosive comment to Dave of "bullshit" was so far outside of my normal way of interacting with people that I felt guilty. Either way it was one hell of a hot dream. Not real.... he doesn't exist. Mmmm although I did find my mind turning to Dave Phillips and wonder what kind of a lover he would be. He was confident and self assured. Whenever my mind turned in this direction I found that the sure fire way of stopping it in its tracks was to remember I didn't even know if he was married, much less with somebody.

No to get through the day, and then one day at a time mark off my life. Knowing that this passion that I dreamed was likely as close as I would ever get. I would look at tired faces of elderly and wonder if they had known passion. that would swamp your senses unexpectedly at nytime of the day, when that person was near. I found myself increasingly impatient with lthe life that I had been dished. I had made choices. Cam and I had hurt each other no doubt. but even underneath the everyday ness of our life together. There had never been that for us. We kind of fell into marriage. I can remember questioning my mum on the morning before and wondering if it wad right. But unlike the movies "Mr Right' didn't swoop in and expose my relationship as just friendship. We married, had two children, and without that attraction life took its toll on us, and we ended up hurting each other and becoming bitter about our lot. I hope I wasn't alone feeling that, I am hoping Cam felt some of that, otherwise I am really living a sham.

"Mum, I've got your lunch and I am waiting in the car." I grabbed my bag, and rushed out. Thanks to the scholarships I could delay decisions about the children's schooling for another year. After that I really didn't know. Grateful that we could spend another year in the same environment and I could look out for them a little, lets get this year started.

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What do you think? I know they are coming thick and fast, but I only have 3 more days of writing left before the younger 2 children are off shcool for summer and I won't have much time.

I haven't heard from anyone.... want Dave's POV? He is one hot dreamy lover..... sorry got a bit heavy maybe I should put the warning at the top?

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