Vicarious ~ World from Ashes {Complete}

12

After I retrieved the rest of the gang off the rooftop, we escaped the premises as the building slowly caved in on itself. I wasn't sure exactly the details of how we got out, or even where we went. All I knew was that we ended up back on the road in dead silence. Killian was gripped tightly in my arms. I hadn't released him except to get the rest of the group from the top of the faltering building a while ago.

Hours later, we reached the home that they had called theirs upon entering the fucked up city. Still, I hadn't let go of him and even snapped at Zak who offered to help me when I got out of the car. I wasn't sure how I looked, but it was enough to keep even Jace from getting to close to me. I must have been like the devil himself to manage that.

Inside, Kilia was in shock at what happened as she came out to meet us. I brushed past her and made my way to the back of the house. Exiting through the back door of the old retirement home, I moved out into the yard behind the huge place. It took me a while, but I had managed to dig a deep enough grave for him with the use of my clawed hands and Holy Grail, the bane of my existence.

Taking hold of Killian, I gently laid him in the dirt under me and knelt down over his body. Gently, I brushed out the strands of hair that framed his face. I could feel the sorrow picking away at my steel cage. The shaking was starting again as I clenched my teeth tightly. It was sometime before I managed to tear myself away from him and get up out of the hole. Even so, it was an even longer amount of time before I managed to throw down the first clump of dirt.

The tears started again right after.

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't bury him.

A hand fell on my shoulder. I hadn't noticed their presence behind me. Glancing up, I looked into the mismatched gaze of Valkyrie who was crying as well. His hand was on my shoulder. Next to him and on my other side were Jace, Zak, and Tristan. Slowly, Valkyrie slipped down to his knees, his arms wrapping around my neck. I wasn't sure why I allowed him to hold me like that, maybe it was because of Killian's influence.

A few hours later and Killian's grave was finished. It took everything I had not to scream, or shout, or do anything in regards to how I was feeling. I was nothing but a bottle of chaos. A bomb just slowly ticking away and ready to go off at any second. It was all I could to keep it in check. I was pretty sure the others knew it as well. They didn't talk much to me after the small funeral we gave Killian. I sat next to the pile of raw dirt, one leg tucked under the other with my arm up over the knee.

They left me slowly, one by one. Valkyrie was the last one to leave my side and go back into the house. I stayed still, hardly moving a muscle at all. Staring at the dark colored dirt and knowing that he was under it all. A twitch pulled at my fingers. I wanted to dig it all away, to make sure that he really was gone. A silent hope filled the back of my mind that I hadn't checked properly when I knew that I had. I checked a million times.

Each time was the same.

All I was doing was tearing myself apart even more with those kinds of thoughts. So I locked them away. I turned my sorrow, my agony into something more familiar and easier to deal with. My deep, boiling contempt for the bastards who had killed my family, my lover, ruined my body and now, had taken Killian from me as well. I knew what I wanted- no, what I needed to do. There was no doubt in my mind. My resolve was even more solidified than it was before.

I wanted to leave. I wanted to find the bastard who did it and take his life away from him slowly and painfully. I wouldn't be able to stand living if I knew he was still walking around with air in his lungs. That man's death would be the only thing to satisfy me and I wasn't going to die until he was nothing more than a pile of ash at my feet. Finding him might prove to be difficult, but I didn't care. Right then, all I wanted was to be moving with that goal in mind.

However, the longer I sat there, the more I thought about it and the more I realized. Though I wanted nothing more than to destroy everything in path as I went after the bastard, it wasn't going to get me anywhere. Leaving the group wasn't any good either. Killian wouldn't have wanted that. Hell, he probably wouldn't even have wanted me to go on a murderous rampage in order to avenge him. I could almost hear him telling me not to do anything I would regret.

My head bowed forward a little as I tried hard not to choke on the air again. I knew exactly what it was he would have wanted me to do and I wasn't sure I could do it. Lifting my head again, the crack of thunder rolled overhead but I didn't move from my spot. I stared at the pile of dirt in front of me, wishing that it was all just a really bad dream that I was being put through. I wished that the hell I was living wasn't real at all. Still, the pulsing pain and the bit of my teeth into my tongue were as real as it got.

"I hope you'll forgive me," I managed to choke out softly.

When I finally returned to the house, it had started to rain outside and I was soaked in the cold liquid. The group was sitting in the lounge room, a dead silence hanging over them as I walked in. Their eyes lifted briefly to meet with mine before the grim looks on their faces turned away.

"Ryker-"

"Did you see him?" my voice was void of emotion, cold and hard as I asked Valkyrie the question.

He swallowed and nodded, "Yes."

"What did he look like?"

"Tall, like you. Slicked back hair, and dark eyes. He looked... So cold. The malice, greed in his eyes. It scared me a little to even look at him."

"Didn't think men like him existed, did you?"

He shook his head at me, "No, not really. I know of evil men... but his evil is just..."

"I know. You don't have to explain to me," I growled the last words. God knows how well I really do know.

"What do you wish to do?" Tristan asked, his voice soft. Though the question was simple, I knew what it was he was truly asking me.

Was I staying, or was I leaving.

I watched him silently for a long while. Honestly I had thought to leave immediately. However, as I sat next to Killian's grave realization that if I left this group to rampage across the city in my own personal vendetta and most likely get myself killed would have no benefit at all. It certainly wouldn't have served any justice to Killian's death either. So, my decision had come down to one thing only.

"I'm ending this fucked up psycho circus those bastards have started and I need your help to do it."

Tristan's lips pulled up into the briefest of smiles as he slowly nodded at me, "Of course."

"God I'm glad to hear that," Jace huffed, "Let's go track those assholes down."

"Andburn everything to the ground." ut I6;