Chapter 10
I fell into bed crying uncontrollably. The kind of crying where no noises can even escape your lips, it’s just breathless silence with tears streaming down your face. I didn’t know why it got to me so much. I wish I could have carried on kissing Jessie, I really wanted to but I just couldn’t. She’s gorgeous and we get on amazingly but in the back of my mind Becky’s face was still there... I felt like I had cheated on her when in actual fact she was the one who had cheated on me and had split up with me. Then every single time I managed to get Becky’s face out of my head, in came the look Jessie gave me as I got out of her car and then I thought about the arguments I’d been having with Daisy lately. Everything had gone from perfect to so complicated lately. It was about time I started to sort things out. I picked up my phone from my pocket and went into my contacts. I began scrolling until I reached the B’s. Even after everything that had happened Becky was the one I needed to talk to right now. I pressed the green button and the phone begin to ring.
“Hey”
I felt my heart in my mouth as I heard her voice. I let out a small whimper and tried to hold in my tears.
“Lils, are you alright? Talk to me, I know things aren’t great and I’m with someone else but I still care you know…”
I took a deep breath. “Not really. I’ve met this girl. She’s gorgeous, she’s lovely and she makes me laugh so much and she just kissed me.”
“So what’s the problem? That sounds good, I’m happy for you!” She replied.
That just made me cry even more. “That’s not really what I wanted to hear Becky. When she kissed me all I could think about was you so I left. I don’t want you to be happy for me, I want you to be jealous. I want you to want me back. I want you to love me.” I managed to say between my tears.
“You mean a lot to me Lily. There’s always a place for you in my heart and in my life but it’s not as my girlfriend. I really want us to work towards being friends. I know I’ve hurt you and I can never apologise enough for that but I can’t imagine a life without you in it but I need you to know that we aren’t going to get back together, I’m happy. If I was you, I’d be honest with this girl you’ve met. Tell her the reason you couldn’t kiss her and try and make things work with her and who knows, maybe one day we’ll double date! Just, please stop crying. You deserve someone who can treat you right and that’s not me!”
“Okay, I’m sorry. I’m gonna go now, bye.”
“Lily, just smile. I know it’s hard and it’s awkward to talk to me about it but I’m here for you okay. Don’t be a stranger. See ya later.”
That could have gone better but surprisingly that conversation had made me feel so much better about the whole situation. At least I’d received the closure I needed. Me and Becky are completelt done, finished, over and there is no chance of us getting back together.
Now I need to focus on working out where my head is regarding Jessie, sort out things with Daisy and stop being an asshole to the people I care about…
