Lies

PART 2

December 4, 1988

2:56 AM

Pismo Beach, California

Anastasia

I stir from my slumber as I hear the cries coming from the bassinet next to my bed. I turn over and glance at the clock: Almost 3 AM.

I get out of bed quickly and make my way over to the cradle, scooping my baby into my arms.

"Shhh. Shhh." I coo, rocking him gently back and forth. "Don't cry, baby."

I carry him over to the kitchen, where I make him a warm bottle.

"Here you go, baby." I coo. I watch him take the bottle with ease and drink quickly.

Man, he was hungry.

I knew it would be quite awhile before I could go back to bed. DJ would need to be burped, changed, and rocked back to sleep before I could go to sleep.

I take a seat on the couch and flip on the television.

And that's when my stomach does a somersault.

"Axl wrote em' all." the voice says, and my eyes focus on the two people on the screen in front of me.

I'm convinced if I wasn't sitting down right now, I would have fell over.

Slash and Duff were on TV.

They were doing an interview for what looked like some Japanese press.

"That should be the name of our next album: Axl wrote em' all." Slash says, and both he and Duff laugh.

God I missed that laugh.

It had been a year since I left Duff, and I can say that it hasn't gotten any easier.

I still think about him every single day.

I watch the screen carefully as Duff sits there quietly puffing on his cigarette while Slash talks to the press.

He's drunk, and I can tell he isn't really there at all by the way he stares at the floor.

I look at his neck to see if he's still wearing his chain, but he's all covered up in his leather jacket that we bought last year.

I didn't understand how he could look so happy when I felt so broken inside.

How could he sit there and talk so innocently with a smile on his face when I couldn't even stand to look at my own child because he reminds me so much of him?

Everything about him, I missed.

I longed for his touch, and the way his fingers feel on my skin. I wanted to feel his lips on mine as he kissed me. I wanted to hear him say he loved me.

But he made the choice.

He chose to not participate in his child's life when he told me he didn't want anything to do with the baby.

This is what he wanted to do, and here he is on the TV doing just that.

I sigh and pick baby DJ up off my lap and turn his face towards the TV.

"You see that man?" I whisper to him. "That's your daddy. Can you say Da-da?" I try.

DJ has started babbling already, but he's still very shy.

I pat down his unruly hair and pull him closer to my lap as he stares at the TV screen. It scared me how much DJ looked like Duff.

The way their noses are shaped, their chins, the way their lips curve into a smile. And of course Duff dyes his hair blonde, but his natural color is the same as DJ's hair.