ruined

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YOUR POV

it's been a week since Andy left me and i haven't showered,eaten,taken prophet out, or put my phone down  I've been sitting here looking through our text messages crying  i only leave my room to get water,fill up prophet's food and water and to use the bathroom or get tissues. it turns out i didn't have the virus just a bad hangover .I feel as though my whole world is crumbling around me, i have completely lost my appetite ,my house is a disaster , i'm pretty sure prophet has used the entire living room as his bathroom. I cant listen to my music because every song reminds me of Andy in some way one song in particular though: "Favorite Record" by Fall out boy. that song caused my first mental breakdown over Andy.

FLASHBACK

"you were the song stuck in my head

every song that I've ever loved

played again and again and again 

you can get what you want but its never enough

i will spin for you like your favorite records used to"

i started out crying but that crying led to screaming and that screaming led to throwing things and that throwing led to me laying in the middle of my floor surrounded by my broken or damaged things crying my eyes out.

END FLASHBACK

today all I've done is lay in bed and try to come to a realization that i'm never going to get Andy back. his words keep taunting me. "do us both a favor and lose my number". i keep trying to forget him but i cant. i feel terrible  this is all my fault. i did this to us. why do i always ruin things? why is it that when people get close i always fuck it up?why am i here? all i do is ruin people. i shouldn't be here. no one would know if i did it. no one would care.it would just be another burden lifted from the world. not even Andy would care. of coarse he wouldn't. he hates me. he despises me .that's it .I've made my decision...



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