I had already gotten my normal daily routine done, when I was sitting on my bed. I stared at the wall with my hands in my lap. I breathed steadily. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. This secret was tearing me apart. I hated lying to Darry and Sodapop. I didn’t like this pressure on me one bit.
I slightly shook my head and told myself I could hold it together. I stood up and walked out my bedroom. I told my mum I would be gone for a while, and walked outside.
I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked at the ground while I walked. I headed to the park.
When I got there I saw a dark brown spot on the concrete from where the Soc was stabbed. I stared at it for a good few minutes. I finally walked around, seeing the damp tire tracks on the grass. I bit my lip, I’m standing on a murder scene.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see it was Dallas. “You okay?” He asked, with a worried look on his face.
I shook my head. “I don’t know, Dally. I hate not being able to tell Darry and Soda about what happened.” I said looking up at him.
Dallas licked his lips. “Man, I do too. But it’s not our place to tell them.” He said putting his arm on my shoulder. “Come on, let’s go over to their house. You’re probably freezing.” He said as we started walking.
We walked into the house and saw everyone sprawled out on couches and chairs, with grim looks on their faces. Darry looked up at us. “You guys read the paper?” He asked.
Dallas and I shook our heads.
He tossed us the paper. “Johnny and Ponyboy killed that Soc, well, Johnny did. Read it.” Darry said, running his hands through his hair. “If I hadn’t hit him, they would be here.” Darry said standing up, and furiously walking away.
I read the paper over Dallas’s shoulder. Every word in there was stuff I already knew. I sat down on the couch next to Steve.
Sodapop told Dallas to walk with him. I just sat there and looked down at my lap.
Two-Bit was on the floor, with no beer or cake. “They’re in Texas right?” He asked with a serious look on his face.
I shrugged. “I think so.”
“I wanna look for them.” Two-Bit said. “They might need help or something.”
I shook my head. “You have no idea where they are, Two-Bit. They’re probably fine. I give them a few days before they show up.” I said leaning back on the couch.
Two-Bit took out his knife and played around with it.
Dallas came back and squeezed himself between Steve and me. He took out a cigarette and lit it.
“What did Soda want?” I asked.
Dallas glanced at Steve, who looked like he was deep in thought. Dallas leaned his head over towards mine. “He didn’t believe me that I didn’t know where the boys were, so he gave me a note.” Dallas said blowing out smoke from his cigarette. “I think I’ll try finding them Wednesday or something, whenever it cools down.”
I nodded. “I think that’s a fair deal.”
Dallas nodded. “Yeah.”
We all sat in silence for a while. Darry finally came back, his eyes red. He sat down in his chair without saying a word. Everyone is so affected by this. It felt like everyone wasn’t here… You know? Like their minds were somewhere else.
I stood up. “Dallas, wanna take a walk with me?” I asked.
Dallas nodded and threw away his done cigarette.
We walked outside and around the neighborhood. We got to the front of Johnny’s house. I looked at it and thought for a minute. I looked over at Dallas. “Wait for me in the lot?” I asked.
Dallas looked at me, then at Johnny’s house. “They aren’t going to care, Kat.” He said.
I looked at him. “They probably don’t read the paper or something. I don’t know. I just need to do it.” I said shrugging.
Dallas rubbed my shoulder. “Alright.” He walked away. “Good luck.”
I took a deep breath and walked up to their door. I knocked. I heard a few clashes, then the door swung open. Johnny’s mum had her hair all messed up, with a bottle in her hand. “Whatdyawant?” She asked, slurring her words together. Her breath reeked of gin, I knew what it smelled like after some parties.
My heart pounded. “So, uhm… You heard from Johnny at all?” I asked, scratching the back of my neck.
She had a scowl on her face. “No, I aint heard from the bastard… He ran off after he killed that boy. I’m glad he’s wanted.” She said taking a swing from the bottle. It was empty, so she threw the bottle behind her, letting it break.
I felt rage build up in me. “You don’t give a damn about him, do you?” I asked, screaming as loud as I could.
“No, I don’t!” She said spitting in my face.
I wiped the spit off my face. “You can go to hell where you belong!” I shouted running away.
I quickly wiped the tears streaming down my face. I didn’t want Dallas to rub in my face that I shouldn’t have done that.
I just can’t understand how a mother can loathe her child so much. I thought that when you hold them for the first time, you couldn’t love anything so much. That you want to protect it forever and just love it. Not wish it was in a ditch somewhere, dead. If I ever have kids, I’m going to tell them I love them every day until I die.
I walked to the lot and saw a car driving away. Dallas had the biggest smile on his face. He jogged towards me. “I got great news for the group!” He said. “Come on, let’s go!”
We ran over to the house and got there in three minutes. Dallas busted through the doors. “Guys! We got a spy!” Dallas said. “She’s gonna testify that the Socs were drunk for when they boys get back. She’s also gonna give us info on what they’re doing and when the rumble is gonna be.” Dallas said.
“Rumble?” Darry asked.
“Yeah, we’re gonna have a huge rumble sometime. That Soc had quite a few friends.” Dallas said nodding.
“Well, that’s cool I guess. Who is she anyway?” Darry said, raising an eyebrow.
“That Cherry broad.”
