a banat letter for oh sehun | completed

epilogue

Point of View: Sehun

“here's the next question from a fan it says that,' exo's maknae sehun do you have any regretion in life? if you do have one, what is it?'” the mc stated.

“ooooh~”

“this is hard.” baekhyun hyung said

“uhh…?” they all laughed because of what i've responsed.

“this must be a hard question for our maknae.” suho hyung

“ah, i do have one biggest regretion.” i said.

“ooh, what is it.” the mc asked

“i regret not responding on this latter's letters.” hyungs became quiet they already knew what happened, they pity me for what happened to her.

i smiled “and i'm still regretting for not staying on her side instead i chose this dream, a dream to be a kpop idol”

“what do you mean? you were into someone now?” the mc asked me again, i shook my head jongdae hyung was about to change the topic but i cut him.

“she's not just a someone but my fan, my negative zero fan to be exact.” i said remembering her smile while saying this word.

“your negative zero fan…? that's odd and unique, usually i keep hearing number one fan but a number negative zero fan, she must be a unique fan.” the mc chuckled i also chuckled.

“she is, no i mean she was.” the mc looked puzzled of what i have response.

“so you were saying that your biggest regretion in life is not responding on her letters and also not staying on her side…?” i shook again my head.

“that wasn't the biggest tho, my biggest regretion in life is becoming a kpop idol.” i said they all gasped.

yes, this is my biggest regretion in life i have been thinking this past few days that if i am not an idol, if i am not oh sehun that was love by the crowds, if i didn't insist to go here in korea and be an idol, if i just decided to stay on her side, if i ain't getting all these things i have now, i should have be with her before god took her, i should have spent longer time with her, this feelings shouldn't be unrequited only if i just stay and be with her, i shouldn't pushed her away, i shouldn't have said i hate her because she is sick.

no, i'm just saying that for her to actually be strong when the time comes that i am not with her, i said i like bubbly girls for her to be bubbly and not think about being worthless, i knew she was the one behind those banat letters, i told jongdae hyung to teach me tagalog, i even google translate some of the words, but i'm coward i didn't even response on her letters, no just once agh!

it has been five months since she was gone, i read her unsend banat letters yes the pain is unbearable until now.

but what makes this pain unbearable until now is what she was trying to say on her banat letters on me from the start up until now.

those letter's subjects is not just subjects but it said.

M A H A L N A M A H A L K I T A S A N A M A K I T A K I T A B A G O A K O M A W A L A S A M U N D O P A A L A M. 

i love her too up from the start until now,  i regret not saying this words to her too.

don't be too impulsive when it comes of your decisions, reckless decisions might lead you to a forever regretion.

the day i saw her on our concert, i should response on her too because i didn't know that, that's the last time i will be able to see her, and wouldn't be seeing her ever again, i should say this word too

i love you, yoona.

*** signed off***