Breathing the Dead ~ H.S

Chapter Forty-One

At this painful reminder, I felt my bottom lip tremble - and I took a deep breath to keep myself together.

"Why would he do that?" I asked her, "Just why, Lise?"

"Because he loves you," she replied.

"He sure had a funny way of showing it," I huffed.

"Laura, he didn't do that just for the hell of it. He was trying to keep you safe," she took me by the shoulders and looked me in the eyes, "he knew you weren't gonna get past that walker herd without a real distraction. And what better way to distract walkers than with fresh meat?" She shot me a sympathetic look, "I know these are pretty hard words, but it's reality, Laura."

I looked at her and lowered my eyes with a sigh - realising that she was right.

"I guess...he sorta had that feeling that...even if nobody thought of a new distraction, at least one person was gonna die trying to get away. I guess he rathered it'd be him instead of anyone else..."

"Especially you," Annalise added, "and Harry. You two were the only family he had left. Of course he didn't want them to get you."

"But what the hell made him think that it was a good idea?!" I began to fire up.

"I guess he wanted to make up for all the other times he fucked up - thus often putting both you & Harry in danger,"

"That's not making up!" I snapped, "That's him fucking up yet again, because he was supposed to be there for his granddaughter! Her birth...her growth...her learning...everything!" I felt my eyes welling up with tears, "I wanted him there, Annalise. To compensate for not being with me by being with his granddaughter...and teach her things Harry & I wouldn't be able to! That's making up for his mistakes, Lise. Not killing himself just like that!"

"But if you & Harry died by that herd, none of you would've had the chance to do all that anyway," Annalise replied calmly, "and Mike didn't want to take that risk. At the time...he only saw two possible options. The risk of your death...or the risk of his."

I didn't say anything and only let out a sigh.

"If he thought he had a choice, he would've been glad to be there for you guys & the baby. I'm sure that he would've loved to be involved in his granddaughter's life, Laura. But by sacrificing himself, he did more than just being there for your baby. He saved that baby's life - as well as yours & Harry's."

After a lot of thought, I bit my lip and nodded slowly.

"You're right, Lise," I lowered my eyes, "I just...I just wish things had been different."

"I'm sure everyone in this world does," she placed a hand on my shoulder, "but you'll get through this, Laura. Don't spend too much time dwelling on what happened. I know it'll be hard...but think of it as something good. Focus on the positives of the whole thing. You can do it. And if that doesn't work...just think about your little girl," she nodded down towards my stomach and smiled.

I nodded again. "I...I'll try,"

"Good girl," her smile immediately began to grow.

***

I suddenly woke up with a quiet groan - unable to open my eyes as I woozily felt around my surroundings to try and figure out where I was. It didn't take me long to realise that I was just lying in bed.