The Smallest Touch

Only to cause more pain

It's saturday morning, I'm supposed to be at Dylan's at two. Frankly I'm nervous, I rarely spend time with Dylan even though I've known him for nearly five years. We don't have much in common and we both don't know what to talk about. His dad also scares me, last time I went to Dylan's house a mutual acqantiance was there so it wasn't so awkward, but Dylan's dad is a big air force guy with mean eyes. It's easy to see where Dylan got his glare from and quiteness, while his mom seems to have given him the ability to make his faces. She was very surprised to see me there last time, raised her eyebrows in confusion and walked out of the room.

"Nikki, what are you doing today?" My dad asks.

"Going to Dylan's at two."

"Who's he?"

"The guy you met in eighth grade."

"I met him?"

"You also saw him at back to school night in his ROTC uniform, with catherine." I said.

"Oh, short black hair, yeah."

"Got it?"

"Why are you going over?"

"To hang out." I said, rollin my eyes.

"Are his parents going to be there?"

"Yes, dad."

"Are you sure?" He pressed.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"When will you be back?"

"5:30?" I asked.

"Make it 5."

"Yes, sir."

"Are you going to eat before you go?"

"Yes."

"It's cold outside, wear something warm." He said walking away.

"Yes, sir."

Whenever I go hang out with a guy, I have generally the same conversation with each of my parents. When I was dating Steven, I got used to saying 'I'm going to hang out with Catherine!' it took less effort and there weren't as many questions. Too bad I got caught once and then it got harder, but I also became more careful from it. I didn't think I needed to lie when Dylan's parents would be there, they knew me pretty well, I tend not to cause trouble.

It's just sometimes a hassle to hang out with people because I love being at home, going out takes a lot more effort. I have to look presentable and act proper, where at home I walk around in Pj's all day and can act childish. Leaving the house takes effort and want, how bad do I really want to go? Even if i date someone I rarely go anywhere because I like being at home.

I show up to Dylan's a little late, not because I'm a slow driver, but because I took my time. We sit and play Call Of Duty, after I watched him play Dead Space for a while. Personally, it takes a little time for me to learn the controls, then to actually play. Thankful the game has been set to easy, otherwise this would be an impossible feat. I don't get the hang of it until the very last game we have time for. Even then it's me sniping with a bomb planted at the bottom of the ladder to get to my spot, just incase someone tries to come up here.

"It's almost five I have to go." I said.

"Ok that's fine."

There was a moment that we oth leaned forward and ended up kissing.I smiled and waved good bye. As I went home I didn't know what to think, I've known Dylan for so long I never thought much about dating him. I guess at times I never saw much of a point because I would hurt him more then most people he knows. I don't want to hurt him but after that kiss I knew either way I was going to hurt him. I'm stuck, I have no idea what to think or do now.

I stay home for the rest of the weekend, I have no idea what to do still but I don't want to make it awkward while I figure things out in m own head. I talk to Dylan after homework is done, because if i talk to him while I do homework, it never gets done. Sometimes I feel mean for doing that, but I know he'll understand because he never talks first. We tried at one point to get him to start, it didn't work. I sit and draw, it helps me clear my mind so i can re-focus but I can quickly tell this problem isn't going to get out of my mind anytime soon. The one thing my head and heart can agree on is I don't want to be in love again. I'm not ready for it, which means its going to hurt Dylan and our friendship. Two years forward take a three year step back with this, I can feel it. I just hope I'm wrong.