The Smallest Touch

Welcome to Hell

It’s been two weeks, and I’m really upset at Dylan. He used to be relaxed, fun, separate from others, caring, sweet, that made him, him. Lately he isn’t acting like that; he was starting to act like his friends who were the complete opposite. I couldn’t talk to him without some ‘women’ joke, or a joke about how skinny I am. Normally he wouldn’t care if I was skinny, he knew I couldn’t cook so he wouldn’t tell me to get in the kitchen, most of all he wouldn’t make me want to change my appearance to please him. I was used to Nick, Jonathan and his other friends doing those things, and that was fine with me. They had done it since I met them, so I was fine with taking it as a joke. With Dylan though, I couldn’t even think of it as a joke. It made me angry or it upset me so much I would go home and cry at the things he said. Maybe I’m giving him a double standard. I was ok with his friends doing it but not him. It’s just what I was used to and I didn’t want to get used to him treating me like this. I didn’t like it and as much as it hurt I had to dump him. It was going to hurt me and him. I didn’t need to imagine it, I knew it was going to hurt.

“Nikki, you should eat you’re so skinny.”

“So?"

“So a wind could blow you away and we don’t want that.” Dylan smiled at his joke. I just sighed.

“Dylan, look it’s almost summer and I’m not here during the summer.”

“You’re never here.”

“It’s the end of the year. I did this last year too, but Dylan… I’m breaking up with you.”

“What?!Why?” His face was exactly what I had expected. Anger mixed with extreme sadness.

“Because I won’t be here and…” I chocked on my words. “And you’re not the guy I like, you’re too much like your friends, if I wanted to date them then I would have.”

He walked away from me. They feeling in my stomach was like being punched in the gut, losing all the air out of my lungs. I know I made the right choice though, so I had to suck it up and not cry.

The last day of school, was field day. A day where Eighth grades play games and have fun, I had made a good friend the last day, her name was Catherine. I got invited to her house after school to her party, when I asked my mom she said as long as I was ready to go by the time we had to leave for New Jersey. I saw Dylan right before I left, he didn’t look happy to see me, but should I expect anything else?

Summer began with a good start. Catherine and I were becoming great friends, I started a field hockey camp and I had a job for the summer. Field hockey, as my brother said, was soccer with sticks. Which was true, in a way, but false in all the other ways because field hockey was a lot tougher than soccer. Catherine couldn’t wait for me to come back home in a few weeks. We weren’t the best at talking over text because texting had no personality, and our personalities are what gave us great conversations. What she didn’t know is I was already home, two weeks early. For field hockey I wasn’t allowed to wear glasses, so my mom brought me home to get contacts for the season. It was also time to get my braces taken off after three years.

I made plans with Catherine and a small group of our friends today. I used to have long hair, its been cut in layers to my shoulders. I got my braces and glasses taken off, even went shopping for new clothes with my sister. I can’t wait to show people how much I have changed, they’re going to be surprised to say the least.

“What happened to my white girl!?” These were the first words I heard when I came to meet Catherine. “I didn’t even recognize you! I was wondering why a stranger was coming up to us.”

Everyone commented on how I looked, I think Catherine’s comments were the best by far. She called me hot, orange for a little while because of my tan and a stranger. To say my new look gave me confidence would be an underestimation; I don’t think I’ve ever felt this good about myself. Field Hockey for school would be starting soon, then school itself; it’s time to start freshmen year.

Freshmen is an all new form if living hell, relationships, drama, friends turning on you and that’s only in school. I don’t see Dylan at all, but if I do he ignores me. I’ve been in and out of relationships and the latest one ended the worse. Dumped because he didn’t want me anymore, found someone better. It’s fine I have swim to get me through, an hour and a half to think and get exhausted enough to just relax. Catherine doesn’t talk to me anymore. She made friends with another girl that hates me so Catherine doesn’t talk much. My friends are ok, but I don’t see them any other time except in the mornings. I miss talking to Dylan, but it takes two to talk and neither of us is talking.

Half way through the year it’s time to switch classes, our classes run semester to semester so for the last two quarters of school we have new classes. I have English second block, and Dylan is there. He doesn’t smile or speak to greet me, but he does acknowledge me with a nod.

We sit through the entire class, giving awkward glances to each other. We haven’t talked in almost a year. Awkward would be the least of our problems if we talked. I can see the pain in his eyes still, he hasn’t forgiven me and I can’t blame him. When the bell rings I pick up all my stuff and hustle out of class. A hand grabs my arm, stopping me in place.

“Nikki, we have to talk.” It’s Dylan’s deep voice.

“No we don’t, we’ve made it clear that there’s nothing to talk about.”

“If there wasn’t then you wouldn’t be avoiding this conversation.” He retorted.

“If there was something to talk about, we’d talk.” I pulled my arm away and continued to my next class. I spent swim season building walls to prevent someone else from getting in, I wasn’t going to let Dylan in again.

My phone vibrates during fourth block, it’s Dylan.

We are going to talk.

About what?

Last year, Nikki.

What about it, Dylan?

There’s stuff you need to know, Nikki.

Fine, go ahead.

First off, Nikki I’m so sorry, I know I was acting like a jerk and acting like my friends more than myself. I just wanted to be like them cause you seemed to like hanging out with them.

Yeah I did, but they were themselves. You changed and I mean full 180.

Yeah I know and I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that. But I didn’t mean to.

Ok, anything else Dylan?

Yeah, can you forgive me?

I guess, but I’m not dating again.

Ok I understand.

I stopped texting after that, Dylan was going to have to work hard to get any trust back. I hope he’s in for a rough time of getting used to me again.