The Smallest Touch

Sometimes, It's best to stay quiet

Sophomore year comes and goes, it's been easier than freshmen year but more difficult. As we get closer to Senior year classes get harder and it's time to start thinking of college. Dylan has alway told me he is going to go straight into the air force then go back for college. While I'm hoping and trying to make it in to Virginia Tech. We had no classes this year, I rarely saw him in the morning becuase my boyfriend, Steven, would walk with me in the morning. Even though I saw Dylan, it would be short conversations lasting at max two minutes. We had little to say, the distance was getting to us. But whenever Steven and I fought, I knew Dylan would always be willing to talk to me and gie me advice. To say the least Steven and I fought often, so i needed Dylan's help more often especially after I broken up with.

It feels selfish to talk to Dylan only when I need help, but we have nothing to talk about and it causes us to have really bad conversations, making us both feel bad. Our conversations don't get very far if we don't have a topic to discuss, even if it's not a favorable topic. He has always had a way of calming me down when i'm emotional. When others would say they wanted to hurt the guy, Dylan would ask me how to help. I guess it's his way getting even with me for helping him, but i appricate it that he assists me when I need it instead of letting me be upset.

At times I feel like I have a crush on Dylan, and I know he likes me. I never do anything about it though, because I'm scared. Whether it's because i'm scared  to get hurt again or i'm scared to hurt him. My mood changes on him too often for me to feel comfortable with dating him, hurting him is something I try to avoid. The only person that knows this is my beast friend, Kelsey, from New Jersey. She's tried pushing me to date him, because she's convinced that i'm scared at the chance for love.

"Are you going to ask Dylan out?" She asks, while on the beach.

"No I'm not."

"Are you still confused." She said thank you to someone who showed her their tags.

 "I know im confused i told you that. I'm scared to date Dylan."

"If you're confused then take the time out. You know you're scared because to date him would be to admit to these feelings." Kelsey said with a know-it-all tone.

"No im scared cause i dont want to hurt him!"

"Then take some time to figure it all out then." I sighed at that comment.

"Kelsey, I've liked him on and off for like four years.... I think that's too much time."

"Well, obviously you haven't figured it out yet."

"I'm not going to hurt him, ok?" I said as an ender to the conversation, but she continued anyway.

"You may not hurt him."

"It's enevitable that I hurt him again." She grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me.

"It's not enevitable Nikki! You're just scared that if you date him you'll be admitting those feelings you have for him. You're scared to fall in love."

"Then I'm scared of falling in love again, so be it. I still refuse to hurt him."

"How do you know ou'll hurt him?"

"Because I've kissed him before and it's hurt him!" Her jaw dropped as I continued to ask for groups tags.

"You've what?!"

"I've kissed him, twice and hurt him. So pardon me if I wish to finally stop causing pain."

"Nikki! You were dating Steven for a year and a half, he mentally abused you, made you cry, convinced you that everything was your fault and you've even admitted that!" She said in a stern voice.

"Yes I have, I know it. But look, sometimes, doing nothing is the best thing. I was right about you and Matt after all...." I smiled, she knew I was right.

"Yeah you were.." She and Matt started dating after I convinced Kelsey to get 20 seconds of incridable courage to ask him out, he said yes, they went out and two years later she still blushes at his name.

"Good, so new topic! Wanna go swimming?"

"Sure, but this topic isn't over."

"For now it is! I'll take that!" We raced to the life gaurd stand to give them our gear, and ended our work day with a swim.

Kelsey and I get put on 22nd street beach for the last saturday at work. I set up the radio while she sets up the umbrellas, if we are working on the same beach we like to make it as enjoyable as possible.

So Nikki, did it bugged you?

Did what bother me? Those teenagers? yeah it did, I hate when they try lying."

"No, well yes, but no. I meant about Dylan."

"Oh, you mean when you asked him to marry you over facebook?"

"Yes!" She said with a smile on her face. "You're welcome, because now you know. You like him, and he likes you."

"I knew he liked me, but his mom also stalks his facebook. So congrats you now seem like a grade A creeper." I gave her the hand sign for 'ok'.

"Oh well, It doesn't matter!"

"Exactly, which is also the answer to you're next question."

"What's my next question?"

"You're not going to ask out Dylan are you?" I said mimicing her voice. She gave me an angry glare, and sighed.

"Fine, Miss-smarty-pants!"

"Haha, I love you Kelsey."

"Yeah.... Love you too. What would you say if Dylan asked you out?"

"Depends on my mood, honey."

"I love you...... When you aren't so hard headed." She added.

"I'm always hard headed." I said with a smile, as we watched the last day of summer fly by us.