The Smallest Touch

Forgive and Move on

Projects were due last week, today are our presentations. Dylan's mood has been about the same as I left him. If I try to talk he gets angry, even though he never yells he still makes it scary to stand around and have him talk in a low deep voice. I'm used to my dad's voice getting loud and deep, but Dylan's is scarier. He says it so quietly that you're the only person who can hear it, making it more personal as he says things that will hurt the person. I stand and try not to show the pain as he digs up my past mistakes. He does it to get me to leave him alone, i'm either too stubborn or a good friend because I stay as he tries to push me away. "Nikki, it's your turn." Mrs. Riach says. I stand to present, speaking in front of the class has never been my speciality. I stutter and mumble the whole time, as I look down at the computer to read the power point.

"Nikki, that's enough." Mrs. Riach says.

"Thank you." I go to sit down at my desk, my face is hot, most likely red. I put my head on the desk and listen to others as they go to present.

"Nikki?" I don't move, I feel like my face is still red.

"Nikki." I look to see the person that normally sits next to me is presenting. Dylan's been the one trying to get my attention.

"What do you want?"

"Are you ok?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because you look upset."

"So? Everytime you look upset you shoo me away. Just leave me alone....." I put my head back down.

"Nikki, come on--"

"Dylan, you're being rude to Sam while she presents." Mrs. Riach interupted.

"Sorry."

"Nikki, do you need to go to the nurse, you don't look well?" She asks.

"No I'll be fine." I mumble.

Sam continues her presentation from where we interupted. When she is done, she comes to sit next to me again. Putting her hand on my back, she asks if I'm ok. I simply nod and leave it at that. I fell asleep for the rest of class, my stomach hurt and my head as well. Dylan had shaken me awake in time to pack and leave for my next class.

"Nikki, are you ok?"

"Yeah i'm fine."

"You're lying."

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not." I said walking away. He grabbed my backpack to hold me in place.

"What's wrong?"

"You first." I retorted.

"What?"

"Dylan your mood swimgs give me whip-lash. One day you want me to leave, then a few days later you want to talk again. Can you just make up your mind?"

"I'm sorry, ok?"

"Sorry doesn't fix everything."

"Then I'll change--"

"You change all the time!" I say mimicing his angry voice, so it made it personal.

"Then I'll stop..." He sounded like he was pleading with me.

" Dylan, all we do is argue half the time... do you really think it's worth it?"

"Yeah I do, even though you won't admit it, you saved my life and I owe you a lot."

"You don't owe me anything, just live your life without shortening it yourself and we'll be even." I ran my fingers through my hair and waved good bye, just before the bell rang for class to begin.

For the last week of school was used for exams, I finished English early and started to read. When mrs. Riach left the room I started throwing highlighters at Dylan, who was sitting infront of me. First time I missed, so I threw another. Dylan turned around to glare at me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm bored." Mrs. Riach walked back in.

"Dylan turn around! Nikki meet me outside." I got up, and walked out of the class being stared at by the class.

"Nikki, what are you doing? You could have had Dylan and yourself fail the test by doing that."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Riach it won't happen again."

"Make sure it doesn't." She walked back inside and I sat at my desk reading.

I sit reading for a little while, get bored then move on to drawing. While in the middle of sketching, four highlighters get rolled onto my desk. I looked up and there was a note.

~Don't look so sad, it's fine we didn't get in trouble. I'm sorry for causing trouble, I hope you'll forgive me.~

Forgiving is something i'm used to, it makes everyone happy, there's no more arguing. Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth all the fighting, I wish there wasn't fighting but that's life. Forgiveness can be given as along as the person is truely sorry and asks for you're forgiveness, because they have realized they've wronged you and are sorry. If they hurt you and say sorry with no emotion or bring it up all the time to hurt you, the person doesn't deserve you or your forgiveness. Forgiving Dylan is easy, but he makes moving on from it even easier. He rarely brings up the past, and i do the same, the less pain caused the better we'll be.

The last day of school, Mrs. Riach let us watch a movie, Hotel Rowanda, while we looked through old year books and signed our friends year books. While I listen to my Ipod, our friend Devon taps on my desk and I take my earphones off.

"What?" I ask.

"This is your sister?" Devon asks. Showing me a picture of my older sister from her graduating year.

"Yeah it is."

"She's hot!" He turns to show Dylan and Sam then to some others in class.

"Nikki, you look a lot like her." Dylan says.

"Oh, nevermind she isn't hot anymore." Devon says awkwardly.

"Thanks, I apprieciate that Devon."

"Here this is yours." Dylan hands me my yearbook, but Devon takes it out of my hand and starts writing in it.

"I'm really not going to miss you taking my stuff." I say rudely.

When I finally get my yearbook back, we say good bye one last time before summer. I give them each a hug, Dylan even sucked it up and gave me a hug. Summer was my favorite time of the year, it's warm and I can swim without freezing. I get to go back to beach tagging, see my my friends and then come back home. Sometimes I get sick of going to New Jersey every summer, but how many other people get to live on a beach. Might as well, soak up the sun and get money college.

The day ends with 'Have a great summer', 'see you next year!' or "I'm going to miss you soooo much!!!' Next year, is going to be different. Better, I'm hoping. If I've learned anything it's that everyday is a gift, because you never know what's going to happen. Forgive but don't forget, move on but don't get crushed. The day is what we make it, for better or worse. At the end of the day, I choose to forgive and forget.