Being second in command is a hard job. Looking amazing (but just a little less amazing than the Tiffany the current queen), swallowing your pride when belittled, and making fun of everyone beneath your standard group even when they are probably coo...
The whole next week I walked on eggshells. Tiffani was sweeter than normal and the packs of prepubescent teens swirled tumors about Tori. Supposedly she was either off in Italy hiding an unplanned pregnancy or she had killed herself because she got pregnant and tried to cut out her own baby. To me both were ridiculous and I stayed away from talking about it all together. Even if I had nothing to do with it I would have questioned those stories. I hope. But maybe I was as dumb as the flock without the backstory skinny, I'd never know.
My body felt like I'd injected caffeine ten times the lethal dose. I didn't sleep, or eat, and I began to lose weight causing a sagging hallow look to my face. I knew it was stress. But Tiffani couldn't stand seeing me look ratchet and set up for me to meet with Kiki.
Kiki had dragon lady nails and hair that looked like she stuck pennies in light sockets to get it to stand at attention. She was funny and snarky and wore make up that I'm sure she learned from Mimi on The Drew Carey show. But she was a magician.
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Those nails somehow almost seemed to retract when she was washing my hair and after an hour with her I looked like I'd been at a spa and felt so relaxed it was like I'd never met Tiffani. Somewhere between the warm sugar scrub and the seaweed soak we began to talk.
"Why you so stressed out girl. Life is short. You look eighty!" I couldn't tell what culture she was, or her age. For Kiki her work was making everything better, even your outlook.
"I don't know Kiki. Life I guess."
Kiki made a clicking sound and shook her head at me. Somehow I felt both scolded and cared about at the same time. She scrunched up one eye like she was studying a diamond.
"You know, sometimes we get on the ride. And it's good. And it can be exciting. But sometimes we run the ride. And it's everything we want it to be. You gotta take a chill pill and make it a dose of zen."
I laughed until tears came at crazy Kiki spouting 1980 pop culture psychology advice. She needed to slow down the tv watching and get some real life conversation. But she did work her magic and by the end of the session I looked like I could step into the clothes of a hobo and still have people know that urban sheik look was intentional.
I did feel better. When I joined the girls in the backyard by the pool they looked just as refreshed. Tiffani was talking about taking everyone to her aunts place in Georgia and the girls sat looking dazed with mini umbrella drinks in their hands.
When she saw me she stopped talking and stared for a moment. Smiled like she did the hair and makeup herself and gave me a nod. "Now that, is an improvement. Try not to ruin it by looking like yourself anymore. When one link of a chain is weak or ugly, it weakens the whole thing."
She went back under the umbrella and began fiddling with her lucky eight ball. "Alright girls. The ball has spoken. This weekend we take another chair from the circle. The music goes on, but someone will not."
