I Gotta Kill the Prom Queen

Chapter 4. Beneath The Robots

We sat around Tiffani's room as she went over the do's and the do nots. Being new and not feeling like part of the in crowd yet I took the shoe chair. I felt like it would be awkward to fall in with the robots girls on the bed.

Despite looking amazing, the chair was extremely uncomfortable. Every time I leaned one way or another I thought I'd fall off so I battle sea sickness while swaying like a drunk person while a million little rules were announced, everything from my shampoo to color coding my clothes according to the day of the week. Tiffani finally stopped talking and told Mindi to take me home.

She sat down at her desk and pushed a button on the wall. "Hello". The tin voice of Marta came through the speaker.

"Marta. I'm hungry.  Get my dinner ready and I'll be down in five to watch you eat it. And remember no dairy. You start blowing up the house with stinkbombs again and you're sleeping outdoor with the guard dogs."

Marta started spouting random things in Spanish that I didn't understand. The girls helped grab my stuff and started walking down the stairs.

"Mindi. Be early tomorrow. We've got to plan our surprise for Aria. It wouldn't be right not to intimate her now would it?"

Mindi's expression never changed. More ammo for me that my robot theory was a strong one. We walked down the driveway until we came to a Toyota, sky blue with a micro tiara hanging from the review mirror. The trunk opened and everyone smashed the bags in and threw the shoe bag on top before slamming the door. I worried about the clothes getting wrinkles, but I wasn't about to argue with a robot army.

"So, thanks for the help. I guess your on the job 24/7, I could have called for a ride."

We sat in the car in silence. I waited for an answer, a signal, any encounter to prove I was in a car filled with humans but it didn't come.

About a block past Tiffani's house Mindi pulled over and the girls opened a backpack that had been sitting in the car. Mindi handed out sandwiches and cans of warm soda and the girls started guzzling.

After listening to chewing for about 2 mins one of the girls, a tall blonde with pale pearl nails and green eyes handed me a corner of a sandwich. I thought about declining it, but when in Rome...... I chewed and realized just how hungry I was when it was gone in about three bites. I had spent my lunch making a stand and it was now seven hours later and I hadn't eaten. Apparently, neither had the robots.

Somehow during that inhale of food the whole car seemed to settle and Mindi belched. A loud, car shaking man burp. I giggled, involuntarily. Blame it on the day, the stress of the moment, or just the fact that seeing someone who looked like Barbie belch like a guy was just plain hilarious.

"Now that..," said Mindi. "is how it's done. Damn. Rough day girls. We've gotta step it up. I'm dying here. Newbie, Aria is it? You should've run when you had a chance."

The twins bookends in the back laughed. All three girls had taken their hair down and shoes off. It felt like a much more relaxed atmosphere but it smelled like death. Between the feet, the sandwiches, and the carbon dioxide from all the sighs of relief it was like being in a daycare diaper pail.

"Run?  Why would I run?  I have a golden opportunity here. And I get the ranking system, I don't mind starting at the bottom. I mean, I've got a whole year to learn it."

The tall blonde in the back groaned. It was amusing and terrifying at the same time. I was beginning to doubt my own robot theory, but I know how good technology is, now a days robots can perform well, anything (don't google it, nightmares are a promise). Surely they can groan.

Blondie shimmied her bra out of her sleeve and spoke actual words. "You signed your life away newbie. Not that it was a good life. Obviously it sucked since you made a pact with Satan, but it's all downhill from now on."

When we pulled up to my house Mindi whistled. "So you're a princess, that explains a lot."

"I'm not a princess. My parents work hard." I said a little too forcefully. Yes, I live in a huge house, but it was pale in comparison to Tiffani's. And I didn't have a maid. Wait, I had a maid. But not one that handed me drinks. She came while I was at school and I never saw her or threatened her with a deportation.

The minions giggled in unison and Mindi popped the trunk while mumbling "mention the lunch or sodas and you die slowly. Not even the butler will be able to find your bones. Got it?"

"I don't have a butler. And it's not like it's newsworthy, you're allowed to eat!" The minions turned their head toward me in unison and gave me a wicked smile that made me think of a pack of wild hyenas.

They left me standing alone on the side of the road, arms laden with merch and the backpack full of shoes. For a moment I felt like a
game show winner.  My gamble payed off and I had hit the big money round. Free clothes and trip to popularity.  It was euphoric. So many visions of accomplishments danced through my brain I felt like it was the mandatory musical montage episode that every sitcom has to have.

Spending the year as a minion for Tiffani may be a little bit of work, and obviously I'd have to get used to things like wearing someone else's choice of clothing and being called a slut. But life is short, and if you don't grab the bull by the horns you're never gonna be able to enjoy the amazing flavor of bacon on your cheeseburger.  Yep. Logic.

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So there you have it, the simple beginnings of my decent into madness. If you're already judging me for jumping into that hot mess, I feel ya. But it's always easier to see things looking back at it. And from the words of Bachman Turner Overdrive "you ain seen nothing yet". Pay attention newbies, this story may be yours someday.