TOLKIEN; imagines

34: All Will Be Well - Thorin

Requested by ​she-thinks-im-reckless on tumblr

6. "Because I love you, dammit."

32. "Don't run from me. Please don't run from me. I can't stand watching you run from me."

A/N: I may do a part 2 for this.

Translations: 'ibin abnamul: beautiful gem. Amralime: love of me. Madtubirzul: Golden heart. Menu tessu: You are everything. Men iananbukhs menu: I love you.

Warnings: None I don't think

Words: 1700

I thought he loved me. The childish inkling within me believed that Thorin loved me, that he wouldn't leave me, but all children must face the horror that is reality sometime. They must grow up if they are to survive. That was a tragedy, that the small part of me that still clung fiercely to my fantasies of finding someone who would protect me, whom I could conceive a child for, who I would adore endlessly, had to be decimated to dust, to die unceremoniously.

Thorin was meant to leave the following morn on a journey to reclaim Erebor, my home, the dwarves' home, from the terrible beast that was Smaug, and he hadn't thought to tell me, not until I had found him packing his bags, a letter signed by him and Balin, an old friend, allowing for the commencement of the quest, laying on the bed as if carelessly thrown. He had sent me to run errands, as to conceal the assemblage of his luggage and he had meant to be off by morning.

Now I sat in the forest that surrounded the impoverished and sad little town the dwarves had forged from nothing, sobbing, cheeks reddening from my useless rubbing, and my throat dry from the choked sounds that had elicited themselves from the said region of my body.

The stars that shone through the small clearing in the large canopy of vegetation had begun to shine in the atramentous oblivion above, but their light seemed as dull as my heart felt.

He hadn't even come to look for me, to console me, to make sure I was alright. It was well known that these woods contained many dangers, but that didn't seem to phase Thorin. He would have come searching for me by now, if he still cared. But here I was, 5 hours later, the sun sunken within it grave and still I sat, continued to sit, in the middle of the trees, thoughts of all the passionate moments I had spent with Thorin, all the times he had called me his One, fueling my melancholy.

I thought of the time, when our love was still fresh, that he had sought me out in the pouring rain, to profess his love to me in the form of a poem, so beautifully written that it brought me to tears.

The lines had me sobbing as I was now, but I had been happy then. The cause of my present tears was far worse, and heart breaking.

And as I continued to remember fond moments shared between the two of us, I hadn't realized the rustling that had accompanied my sobbing in the otherwise abandoned clearing that I had found and taken as a safe haven.

"Y/N?" A familiar voice asked brokenly.

I raised my blurry vision from my soaked hands to the figure before me, a bewildered and grief-stricken Thorin, with his hair slightly more tangled than I last remembered it and his eyes were red and puffy, a sight that surely mirrored my own horrid appearance. His off-white linen shirt was askew and wrinkled, as if he had been tugging at it profusely. His boots hadn't even been bothered to be tied, as the laces dragged through the mud and leaves that were strewn among the forest floor. The sight of what I had rendered Thorin to be broke my heart, a foul creature within me tearing my insides, freeing any giddy butterflies that used to reside in my stomach, leaving me with nothing but the monster and a pure dread that tugged my heart deeper into the endless pit of guilt that had holed itself up in my stomach.