How To Save A Life | bryson tiller.

twenty three

Mistakes

Blue

I called in to work and told Mr Cee that I was feeling unwell. He believed me and allowed me to take two days off. I had planned on closing my curtains, watching L&HH, turning off my phone and being anti-social for my two days off.

I wasn't in the mood to socialise or even be around humans. I wanted my own space back.

My mind kept running on Charm and what she was going to do or say to Trav. I knew she had it in her to attack a guy but I just hoped she wouldn't do something stupid and get in trouble.

She was smarter than that.

I made myself a bath instead of a shower. I always had thinking time in the bath .

I got undressed and lay back in the warm water, allowing my hair to get wet. I moved my feet up and down the side of the bath.

I saw images of my mom. Screaming my name. 'Renee!' . 'Renee!' . I would tell her to 'Stop' and she wouldn't. Flashing images of my first period and I didn't know what to do. I remember she wasn't home and I was crying my eyes out at the age of 12 because I was confused.

I couldn't go outside and ask a random stranger because they would only call police. I remember padding myself with tissue for 2 days , sitting by the television, waiting for the menstrual cycle adverts to come on. Eventually one did, it showed briefly how the pad fitted on and I just had to go to the store and buy loads. It took me a while to get it right and took me even longer to deal with the cramps.

By the time I was 14 years Old , I had figured out it came monthly. Then I had to teach myself how to cook. It resulted in my burning my hand because the kettle water spilt on me. Only a little bit but it hurt like crazy at the time. I had to clean my own clothes, buy new clothes when I did get the money and try to get some household necessities whenever the old ones ran out.

It was hard to forget about it all . No matter how hard I tried I couldn't .

I let the tears roll down my face as I stayed silent. They fell into the water, disappearing in the transparency. I moved my body down lower into the bathe until it was just my eyes above.

I moved more down until I was in the water , losing breathe. I jumped up out of the bath , gasping as my eyes stung. I didn't know what I was doing but it took my mind off my mom.

I got out of the bath and towel-dried myself. I fell onto my bed and laid there like a blank canvas.

"It will get better." I said to myself.

••••

Trav

Yesterday's meeting with Aunt May and confrontation by Charm made me even more stressed.

Aunt May did help a lot but Charm then confused things even more with her comments.

"You made up your mind yet? We've got 24 hours until we're possibly out of here Trav." Mariah reminded me.

I didn't respond and kept eating the salad she had bought me from Subways.

"Trav, please. " I looked up at her , her eyes watery. "Please, please come with me. We can do this properly. This whole relationship. "

Tears were brimming in her eyes and I felt sorry for her.

"Don't cry man." I said.

"I just want you to make up your mind Trav. We leave tomorrow . I didn't tell you this but I've booked the flight. Not first-class. We leave at  4.00 pm in the afternoon. "

"Really?"

"Yes. But this can't work if you don't come with me . I mean, I can still live there by myself but we're in this together baby." she tugs at my sleeve, wiping away a tear that escaped.

I stared at her. I hated seeing her like this. I was used to her being this stern, serious, rude character.. not this vulnerable cry-baby.

"Okay. I'm coming."

I didn't know what I had just done. I didn't even think about it. The words just came out and I'm not sure if there was any coming back from here.

"Seriously!" her face lit up and the tears were gone. "I love you Trav!" she hugged me briefly before running upstairs.

I listened as she screamed . "Jenn! We're coming. It's official!"

I sighed and put my head down. I wasn't in the mood to finish eating. I know I had just confirmed it but it didn't feel right.

My phone rang and I answered.

"Yo, hey man. I just remembered you're soon going to Beverly Hills. You got a decision yet?" Warren questioned.

"Yeah, we're going." I chuckled, but it wasn't funny.

The line went silent. "Damn, you're  actually leaving everyone to be in Hollywood now? "

"Um.." I paused. "It seems like it man."

"You don't sound too sure bro." he stated.

He was right.

"Nah, I'm definitely sure." I lied.

"Gonna miss you Trav."

"You too."

". You wanna come out tonight and celebrate?" he offered.

"Yeah that sounds-" I was about to say it sounds good until Mariah entered the kitchen with a smile on her face. I didn't want to ruin her mood. "Um, actually nah. I don't want me and her to argue tonight. I'm just gonna stay home."

Warren groaned. "Okay. Since Mariah rules your life then fine."

I smacked my lips. "It ain't even like that. I'ma talk to you later."

"Aight." he hung up and I shoved my phone into my jacket pocket.

Mariah walked around the house , that was majorly empty. Most of the furniture was here but some was at this new house waiting for us.

"I'm so excited baby." Mariah repeated.

"Same." I dryly replied.

Tomorrow we would be off to Beverly Hills. To live the life Mariah had always dreamed off.