sad writing for sad days.

i can never have you.

i can never have you. but i need to have you. i look forward to seeing you. i ask you to come see me on thursdays, and you did. but i didn't know that was you. i thought someone else was you. i saw you though. and you told me you were watching me. just. me. part of thinks you were. another thinks you weren't. i would tell you this stuff but when i do push people away. and i can't push you away. because if i do.. i don't know.