Dragged to my knees

Chapter 13

Our food and nutrition project was a huge success and we got an A. Ms. Agatha actually gave us a few extra points for handing it in way before the deadline which she isn't supposed to do because it's really not a big deal but that's how good it was.

I'm about to finish up on my chemistry homework when my phone vibrates.

"Any update on Veronica?"-K

Oh, Lord. Why can't he just mind his own damn business?

"Why don't you just ask mum?" I text back sarcastically.

"I don't want to bother her."-K

So now he decides not to bother her. I don't even know what to do with this guy.

"Piss of Kenny."-R

"You can't talk to me that way, you know? I'm your father"-K

I decide not to grace that text with a response and carry on with my assignments.

"Ricky! Dinner!" I hear my mum yell after a while so I head downstairs.

"Hmm, this tastes really good mum." I say as I take my first spoonful

"Aww, thanks honey."

"You're welcome."

"So how did your project go?" she asks, but she sounds a bit distracted.

"It actually went really well." I reply enthusiastically. "We got an A."

"That's nice."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Yeah." I reply again for lack of anything else to say.

"Yeah." Mum replies. What is up with her tonight?

"Mum? Is everything alright?" I ask

"Ricky." She sighs. Lifting my head, I look at her; I mean really look at her for the first time since I got home for school.

I notice the dark circles under her eyes, the worry lines on her forehead and I notice that she has most definitely been crying. This can only spell trouble.

"Mum, what's wrong?" I whisper afraid of what may or may not come next.

"I went to see Veronica today without you."

"And?" I ask, feeling both hopeful and dreadful.

"Well, the thing is..." she trails off

"The thing is what?"

"How do I begin this?" she muses. "Ricky, your aunt smokes. Well, smoked. She smoked a lot while she was conscious."

I immediately burst into fits of laugher. Is mum okay? I mean she's telling me something that's impossible. How can my aunt be a smoker? We live in the same damn house. I would know.

"I'm being serious." She replies.

"Mum, if Aunt Veronica ever smoked, I would know."

"That's the thing. She didn't want you to know." She says. "How many times have you had to go in her room since we moved here?"

"Well, almost never."

"Exactly." She replies, holding my hand from across the table. "Look, you were what? Like nine when we moved in with her and she didn't want you to see her smoking. She didn't want to influence you wrongly and as you grew older, she became scared that you would think lowly of her for having such a bad habit."

Letting out a deep breath, I try to gather my thoughts and sound put together. "If you didn't tell me all these years, why are you telling me now?"

At this, she withdraws her hand, unconsciously, I think and shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

I can tell this conversation is making her uneasy but she brought it up, not me. How could she have kept this hidden from me all these years? It's not like we tell each other every single thing but at least I like to think we don't have any major secrets from each other. And Aunt Veronica, at the thought of her my heart giving a little lurch. She should know that I would never think lowly of her no matter what. They should both know that. They're both family and...

"She's back in the ICU." Mum says, zapping me back to reality.

"Wait, what?" I scream, "But the doctor said she's stable. What happened?"

"Calm down Ricky." She begs.

"Mum" I begin in a patronizing voice. "This is as calm as I can get so please just go ahead and explain what happened."

"Remember, how I said she smoked? Well she had been taking some meds for atherosclerosis. I didn't know all that but the doctor told me."

"She had atherosclerosis?"

"Yes, but it wasn't serious." She replied. "Do you remember when Dr. Steele said he was going to have to run some tests on her when she yawned?"

I nod my head to let her know I remember.

"Well, they did a CT scan immediately we left and discovered she had had a silent stroke earlier."

"Wait a minute, this is getting confusing now. She had a stroke while we were sitting with her? She looked okay. I mean as okay as she could have looked. Why didn't the doctor call us to inform us?"

"That's why it's called a silent stroke Ricky, you don't notice any symptoms." She replies. "And he did tell me. He called me the next morning. I just didn't want to bother you. You'd handled enough stress for one week."

She takes my hand again.

I laugh sarcastically, withdrawing my hand even though I really don't mean to. "Glad to see that worked out perfectly." I reply. "You're acting like telling me now changes anything.'

Dismissing my behavior, she continues. 'They've placed her on some medication. Aspirin and something called TPA."

"What's that?' I ask, genuinely curious.

"It's supposed to help her recover fully and dissolve any blood clots. She's in the ICU so she'll be well taken care of. She'll be fine."

"How can you be so sure?" I snap.

"I can't be sure Ricky." She replies, "But I can hope." She smiles, squeezing my hand.

I actually smile back, unconsciously. "Okay." I reply squeezing her hand back. My appetite is pretty much ruined though, so I just clear the table.

After reassuring mum I'm fine and making sure she isn't falling apart herself, I head upstairs to my room.

I decide to do some research on our discussion earlier and I know it'll probably make me feel worse but at least I'll be informed.

An hour goes by with me just sitting in front of my MacBook, going from webpage to webpage.

Mum, didn't tell me that aunt veronica is at risk of suffering from a major stroke as time goes by but I guess that's just her 'trying to protect me' again.

She always feels the need to give me not so great news in bits, like I'm going to break down or something. She has to recognize the fact that I'm growing up quicker than she realizes and that she can trust me.

Rubbing my eyes as they begin to water, I put away my laptop and plug in my earbuds so I can drown out the silence. I open my TRYXE album. Selecting 'Happy little pill' and placing it on repeat.

If only lyrics could come alive, then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't feel so awful.