Soul Mates

We will get through it

The sounds of machines woke me up. My eyes fluttered open but I was too weak and fell into a deep sleep. Something urged me to wake me up and then.. Then a piercing noise came out of my mouth. My vision blurred, yet I could still see doctors, nurses, and pipes all closing in on me. My head pounding when I realized where I am.. In a cold, clean, lonely hospital room.

My chest rising and sinking and rising and sinking with the machines that makes me feel like they strangling me. Fear overcomes me and the screaming gets louder but soon I her a soothing, familiar voice..

"It's okay, darling you are in good hands" , the voice echoes

Confusion took over my mind but the striking pain and agony caused me to see darkness.

~~~~~
5 hours later
( been in hospital for 28 hours )

My eyes blinded by the surgery lights. After I am back into consciousness and the doctors are explaining to my family what the hell has happened. The doctors explain to me.

"You have been diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor", he said sadly.

Then that sinking feeling of absolute horror. Tears started to drown my eyes and words couldn't express what I was feeling all that I know was for certain is that this was gonna be a long, bumpy ride.

The doctor explained further.

You have been in a coma for about a day and so we performed an emergency surgery because we thought we had to pull the plug. After the brain surgery we did a quick scan that automatically confirmed that you have an 6cm cancerous brain tumor. We delivered the news to your parents and then the waiting game had begun. If I have to be honest right now your body is stuffed and the tumor has been living inside of you for about 2 years which could explain the extreme headaches. Your  chance of survival is slim approximately 35% and right know you are fortunate to be here so you are in ICU and we will, be monitoring  you  very closely. A board we have 3 nurses, 2 surgeon and 2 neurosurgeons working on you. Your brain tumor is something we have never seen so this is critical. She exclaim, losing her breath.

Reality kicked in...

I've got cancer.

I give my family a longing look of sympathy. As I stare at my parents all I can see is blood shot eyes, sleepless nights, worry and complete and utter sadness. All of a sudden I feel guilty. The doctor and nurses left the room after introducing themselves.

My mom pulled me in for a tight hug as my emotions take over. The pain caused me to weep and weep until I couldn't even speak. After about 2 hours or so my brothers and dad left to go sort things out at the house and would come back later in the afternoon. My mom went to get food from the hospital cafeteria. The doctors said I needed a lot of rest and recovery in order to live so my " visiting hours" we're officially over.

I'm so grateful for my mom because she has been so supportive and packed me a bag with all my needs, like my phone, earphones, yes my blankie and teddy and some clothes. I immediately grab my phone and switch it on. My watsapps are going through the roof ... I have 56 new messages,18 missed calls and so many notifications.  Clearly the word has been spread that I was in hospital.

I click on the watsapp messages and search through. All the get well soon and what's wrong messages come me through which I appreciate but the message that catches my eye is the one from the one and only ...

Hudson.

Hudson, Hudson,Hudson  it rings a bell. Because of my tumor my memory isn't up to scratch so I'm a little confused. Then the sudden realization hits me like a tone of bricks... My soulmate right? Well if we were soul mates then why isn't he here.. I'm literally dying but no.

~~~

After about 5 days in hospital my new " life" is suddenly dawning on me. I'm sick. Really sick. I'm weak. I'm worthless. I'm a germ. Many thoughts have crossed my mind as I clearly have enough time to think about stuff. The doctors have given me an update and apparently everything is under control. But every day I feel worse. I always believe that we were put here for a reason. There's got to be more than life than just grow up, get a job, grow old and then die. I feel like everyone has a purpose in life and anyone can change the world just if you put your mind to it.

My mom always told me from a very young age that I was her little solider and that I'm strong. My parents always believed that I was emotionless, which I appreciate because that was my form of strength if you understand? So if you a solider you can't be emotional... Well that is what I've been be living my entire life. This is why I bottle my emotions in this small little capsule so it can just disappear in thin air, but life is more challenging than that.

This is why right now, sitting in this hospital bed I've got to be the strong little soldier and I've got to hide my emotions I have to keep it together for my parents. I've got to be strong and I've got to have faith and be determined to survive this path in my life. Although sometimes I wonder when that little capsule is going to explode like when you put a banana in the microwave... BOOM! I feel like this is my breaking point and I can't do anything about it. Maybe I'm overthinking this but everyday it gets worse. I want to be positive but how can I be when I'm stuck in a hole full of negativity.

Then just to make my matters worst I've got visitors .. Yay (note the sarcasm)
I'm really not in the mood but anyway, I wait patiently to find out who has come then the world literally stops walking with a conserved expression oh their face is my 'soulmate'

Hudson.