Finding Kate

Chapter Six: Broken

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.

Coldplay – Warning Sign

There was something insistent nudging at the edge of my consciousness as I groaned out loud at the blinding pain that was erupting in my head. I was face down in my pillow, with a severe case of cotton mouth and nausea biting at the pit of my stomach. My whole body was unresponsive and sluggish as my hand slapped around for the source of the shrill sound that was making the pain in my head more intense. My eyes narrowed as I groped for my cell phone, managing to flip on my back so I could read the caller I.D through my blurry eyes.

Dispatch.

I flipped the phone open, holding it to my ear as my gaze shifted to the alarm clock.

I'd had three hours sleep, and considering the amount I'd had to drink I was glad Calleigh had made me come home when I did. I wasn't used to drowning my sorrows, not like this. Everything from the last few days was impeding on me and I had to admit I was finding it hard to deal with it all.

Horatio had told me this was the part of UC that they didn't tell you about. The part where your head was so fucked up you didn't know who the hell you are, let alone what you were doing there. He'd also informed me that UC cops had a tendency to suffer from mental break downs because they shut up. They just didn't talk because they weren't used to being able too. They bottled things up and before you know it you're looking down the barrel of your gun and wondering whether to put it in your mouth or against your head.

Thankfully I had locked my gun safely away last night.

Was it really that bad? I didn't know anymore. I didn't expect building a life to be this hard. I guess I thought after all those years playing with the Mob that this would be a breeze, but in truth it wasn't. Everyday I got up and went to work with a guy I used to love, hell probably still loved, knowing he was getting on with his life, whilst I couldn't seem to get him the hell out of my head. Add to that the crime scenes and the fact that despite Horatio's prompting, I still couldn't open my mouth to talk about the things that were ticking over in my head.

I knew he was worried, not just on a professional level, on a more personal one. He knew me, he knew I shut down instead of raving and screaming and crying, he also knew that wasn't healthy. Normal people talked about their problems. When I opened my mouth not a single word came out. The truth was I'd lost the only person I'd ever confided in when I'd broken his heart and took off to take part in an undercover investigation on the Mob.

The fact it was my own fault pissed me off even more.

Dispatch was talking in my ear, I stifled a yawn listening to the voice on the other end, and somehow managing to pull myself up into a sitting position. One hand clutching at the pain in my head as I spoke.

"I'll be right there."

The sun was blazing as I climbed out of the Hummer, sun glasses hiding my tired eyes. The pain in my head had sunk into a dull ache after I'd popped some pain killers and the coffee was hitting me so I could actually keep my eyes open. A nervous energy was buzzing in my stomach as I raised my head to the huge multicoloured building in front of me.

A kid's indoor amusement centre.

Zany Town.

Shit.

"Hey, someone looks a little worse for wear this morning." Delko called out from my right.

I turned to see him and Tim striding towards me, both sporting solemn expressions.