Bought #complete (Sequel to Sold)

Chapter Twenty

... And no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil

Note to self
Today, somebody actually saw me. Yes, for real. I didn't feel like he was looking through me, I felt like he was looking at me. He didn't just put a coin in my hat and go by either, he stopped, smiled and said hello. Then, he got into the restaurant right opposite where I sat and came out with food for me! For the first time, I feel alive.

Sisi thought about what it felt like to be seen. Abigail had seen her. She had seen past Chief's money, she had seen past Sisi's protests and insistence that she wanted to be left alone, she had seen past Sisi's fake smiles and had really seen her. And because Aby had cared to look, she had seen her brokenness, her fears, her pains, the abuse. She had seen her and had loved her. Yes, it felt good to be seen, to be singled out in the midst of the large world and to be handpicked by a total stranger to be loved.

She flipped the page.

Note to self
The man with eyes... Well, I mean the man who bought food for me, he came back again. And this time, he brought warm clothes and winter boots. So, I don't look forward to freezing to death this winter.

She smiled. Perhaps there were more Abigails in the world; more kind people. She turned the page.

Note to self
He actually came back again. He sat next to me on the bare floor and for the first time in three years, I had a real conversation with someone who actually listened. He asked me what I wanted the most and I told him I wanted a pen. Well, because this one is running out. He promised to get me more pens tomorrow.

It was exciting that things were getting better for the writer. She flipped to the next page.

Note to self
I haven't seen the stranger in a while. I wish he would show up tonight.

Note to self
I attended a funeral today. I finally figured out where the stranger went, he died. I guess the world is too evil for good people to live in. I'm running out of ink.

She noticed that the ink seemed fainter.

Note to self
Two months since I wrote here. My only pen ran out. A woman brought a pack of pen to me today. She said her father asked her to give it to me before he died. She explained that it was hard tracing me, hence the delay. She invited me to dinner. What to wear?

She giggled out loud. As if what to wear was the issue. All that mattered was he was about to get a decent meal after so long. A loud yawn escaped her lips, she was exhausted. She placed the book down and laid back and slept.

****

Sisi stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom and ran a finger down the scar on her face and smiled. In the past, this same scar brought sadness and even anger to her but as she stared at it, it brought back happy memories. It reminded her of how Remi would run his thumb down the side of her face, how he would kiss her, how he would look at her with so much love and admiration. It's funny how one bad memory could transform to a good one.

She missed Remi. Everything reminded her of him, even the clothes she wore. He had bought most of those clothes for her. She sighed. She had been through so much, she just needed to move on from them. Perhaps it was time to move out of Jean's house. It would be difficult but it was overdue. Jean had been extremely nice to her, she had housed her for four months and had loved her through it all. If she stayed any longer, she would be taking the woman's kindness for granted.

She threw on a black Maxi gown; she was still mourning Tia, and pulled her hair up in her usual bun then she made her way out of her bedroom door and down the stairs to the kitchen. She sighted Ben, his back to her, facing the stove but Jean was no where in sight.

“Hi” She stepped into the kitchen.

“Hello, Sisi” He turned as she approached. “Are you okay, do you need something?” Concern reflected in his eyes.

She stared at him and for the first time in her life, she realized how blessed she was. She had been so occupied with feeling sorry for herself that she had failed to see the many blessings in her life. Like the writer of the journal, she realized that she had people around her who actually saw her. They saw past her smiles into her very soul and they bothered enough to ask how she was doing. She had been too busy mourning over the family she never had and had failed to see the family that was right in front of her. These people were total strangers a few months back but they had become her family.

She stepped forward, tears forming in her eyes and wrapped her arms around a confused Ben. “I love you, Ben. Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for loving me even if you didn't have to.”

He returned her hug. “Isn't that how the Lord loves us. He doesn't have to but he does anyway. I love only because I have been loved”

She nodded. “Everyone keeps telling me how much God loves” She pulled away, a sad smile on her face. “I guess they can't all be wrong”

“No”

“Ben, why don't I feel loved?” She sat down on a kitchen stool.

“Sisi” He walked over to where she sat and sat beside her. “Love is not a feeling”

“Does God love righteous people more?” She wondered at how comfortable she felt talking to Ben about things that haunted her for many years. There were times she felt unloved because she felt undeserving of it. 

He shook his head.

“Why are they so sure about his love and I'm not. Why do I feel hated by him, perhaps even hunted?”

“The difference is acceptance. I have accepted that love and I rejoice in it.”

“Does God love me?” She dared to ask.

He grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes. “More than you know” He said and she clung to those words, wanting desperately to believe them.