Loving You

chapter fifteen

"Once when I found out I was pregnant - I hid it from him. I hid my baby bump and just called it weight, I hid it. I hid my child from her own father so that he wouldn't kill her." By now, tears were flooding and she wasn't talking to Yusuf anymore, she was talking to herself. She was completely out of it as she spoke so immersed in her abominable memories.

"While he was out at work, I had called a few old women from the neighbourhood to help me give birth when I was having labour pains. My beautiful daughter was born. I named her Alina because she was a light in my dark life, and she was to be noble. A kind and beautiful soul." She smiled tearfully.

"She was beautiful. Once Arham found out that I had not only given birth, but that too to a daughter, he was furious. I'd never seen him so angry but he didn't do anything, to my surprise. I knew he was furious but he didn't hurt me in any special way other than he normally had.

I had my Alina and she was precious. She had blue eyes like her father but hers were warm and kind and just perfect. His were steely and angry and cold."

"Then one day, six months later, while I was in the kitchen, I heard Alina screaming." I ran as fast as I could to just see Arham holding her. I was frightened but how could I tell him to not touch his own daughter?" She wiped away tears,

"I dismissed it and about a week later. Arham was angry, he was outraged. He'd accused me of having an affair with the neighbour and that Alina wasn't his child. Before I knew it, he'd picked her up and threw her down the stairs. I watched my daughter get murdered before me. I watched her bruised blue and black body and I watched her wail." She didn't even know she was choking on tears.

"The scariest thing of all was that he knew it was his daughter. She looked just like him with the same blue eyes, dainty nose and pink lips. She was his carbon copy. He knew Alina was his child, but he was just so blinded by his hate for me, that he'd killed his own daughter with his own hands with no remorse."

Yusuf was frozen, he had no idea what to say or what to do so he did the only thing he knew how; he pulled her into a hug and stroked her hair quietly.

"That night..how do I say this?" She pondered. "He'd raped me before. I know it sounds silly; a husband raping his wife, but he had; countless times. However, this time was different. I can't tell you exactly how without sounding any more crude.

 I wouldn't ever want to talk about that night or even think about it ever again. I've relived it enough in my mind and nightmares. But, that night he'd broke me completely and utterly. I was too helpless to even defend myself.

 And, after he was done, the next morning I was angry. I was so furious with him for destroying my daughter. The only thing in my life that had brought me happiness and he just had to destroy that too."

She paused, knowing this is the part where Yusuf would become absolutely horrified - not at Arham but at her.

"When you live with someone for a long time, no matter how much you hate them, you begin to pick up a little something of them. I had picked up his impulse on anger. I took the nearest gun while he was sleeping and shot him. 

 I ran as fast as I could and ran to the Canadian Embassy at Pakistan - you see, he'd taken me back home silently before I could say goodbye, anyways, so I had told them everything and booked a flight back to Canada.

 It was a one-way ticket and my father didn't know anything but he sent me enough money from Pakistan that I could book a flight with stops. Within the next few days, I'd arrived at Pearson and that's that."

The two sat quietly realizing what had just been said before Durdanah finally spoke.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tell you everything. It just happened, please do forget everything I told you if you want to. You didn't expect all of that, did you? I just couldn't stop myself. I tried, but I'd never talked to anyone before about this so, thank you for listening."

Yusuf didn't reply, he was lost in thought. She'd never known love like that. He'd kill that bastard. How could a father kill his own daughter?

Figuring Yusuf wanted to be left alone, she quietly got up and made some coffee for the two. 

"Here. I'm really sorry, Yusuf." She handed him the mug of coffee. He grabbed her hand and forced her to sit next to her without a word.

He didn't say a word as he sipped on his coffee, and she on his. "Thank you."

She believed he was thanking her for the coffee so she nodded, "It's okay." But those two words held so much more meaning. He was thanking her for opening up to him, for trusting him with this information that had uprooted her life and turned it around. He thanked her for deeming him worthy enough, for giving him and this marriage a chance after all that she'd been through. 

"Hey, Durdanah?"

"Yes, Yusuf?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" She asked, feeling a burden off of her chest now that she could share her ache with someone.

"Because, I forced you into telling me. Because while I was living happily, you were spending your nights crying, and while I was being ungrateful for Rania leaving me, you were dealing with all of this. I'm so sorry, Durdanah.

Taken aback by his apology, she shook her head. "You didn't force me. I chose too, I don't know why but I trust you. I trust you for not judging me. I trust you for listening. And, I'm happy you were happy. 

Happiness is universal and it's not something you can control and you should be anything but sorry. 

Be proud.

 Be proud of being the father you are. Be proud of the man you are." She smiled at him, this time it was one of her old smiles that brightened up the room and warmed the people around her. 

And the two spent the entire night confiding in each other's happiness, misery and memories, blissfully unaware of the world around them.