Loving You

chapter ten

Durdanah was waiting outside the door, preparing herself for the worst.

You can do this.

You can do this.

You can do this.

"In the name of God, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful." She took a deep breath and walked in the house, thus starting a new life; a new beginning for herself.

"Welcome home." He gestured around the apartment.

Durdanah nodded, "Sorry it took so long. I was just reminding myself of something, kind of like how merciful God can be, I think ." She never was particularly religious but just knowing that she was not alone and that God was with her gave her the hope she needed to have the will to live.

Yusuf looked at her strangely, unable to mask his expression of confusion. That was an odd reminder to start a marriage.

"Hm, okay. Here, come in." He held her hand as he walked her inside.  She flinched. She had flinched before too when he was helping her in the car but he hadn't noticed. His hand scared her. Arham's hand had taught her that men could not control their hands. "Sit down, please." He gestured towards the sofa. "I just want to talk to you before we start our new lives as you know, a married couple."

Durdanah tilted her head, why was he speaking to her so politely?

"Um, sure." She sat down on the far left of the leather couch as far as she could from Yusuf.

"Duri, I'm just as nervous about all of this as are you. I-I to say the truth, I didn't want to get married. I couldn't just marry another woman after Rania and I certainly couldn't let my daughter be under the care of a strange woman. I came to the marriage interview, fully intending to say no. But once I realized it was you, Duri, I figured that no one else would be a better fit to love my Hamsa. I don't know what happened to you, why you divorced, or whatever. But, I do know I'll try to make this marriage work, some way or another."

Yusuf sighed, hating himself for the next words coming out of his mouth. "I've only ever loved one woman in this world. I have always loved Rania, I still do and perhaps always will. Rania only has competition with Hamsa and Ma, even now. She's even gifted me my beautiful daughter and despite everything, I will always forever be grateful to her for that. Always. Rania has a special place in my heart, and I don't think you could replace her even if you tried." He waited for Durdanah's reaction but to his surprise she just furrowed her eyebrows and nodded thoughtfully.

"Sure."

"You have no problems? No reaction? Nothing? Your husband just told you on your wedding night that he'll never be able to love you." Yusuf felt repulsed as he provoked Durdanah but he felt irritated at how she didn't even give the slightest reaction.

She flinched, the third time this night, "I know. It's not your fault, so I can't be mad. I'm used to it."

"Love." She gave a chuckle devoid of humour, "I don't even know what love is." 

He tilted his head, this was not Duri speaking. No. He refused to believe it was Duri speaking.

"What?"

She smiled at him, her eyes staring into his. That smile of hers terrified Yusuf; he didn't know why but her eyes carried an overwhelming sort of sadness. He faltered under her piercing gaze and looked away. He couldn't bear to stare into those cold eyes; the Durdanah he knew had sparkly, shiny eyes that radiated warmth and happiness.

"Yusuf, let's be friends. Not a married couple like, okay? You keep loving Rania, okay? I know wherever she is, she'll be back. She's not like that." 

Yusuf nodded. "That's perfect. Like old times. There doesn't need to be all this awkward tension. Let's just be best friends." He grinned. "Best friends under the same roof. I love it."

"I'll find love in Hamsa, so don't you worry about me. I married you for her. This marriage was one of convenience so I wasn't expecting love like that. I'm grateful to you for blessing me with a child with this marriage. Thank you." 

She spoke, each word genuine. She'd never thought she'd be a mother again, and yet here she was married and to a man with a beautiful daughter whom she could now call hers.

"Thank you." She whispered as tears stained her cheeks and made their way down her face. 

"Hey, hey. What happened all of a sudden? Duri?" She collapsed into tears, shaking with each sob.

He pulled her into a hug, not saying a word once he realized that these were all the tears she'd kept hidden for the past few years. All her unsaid pain and sadness and anger.

"I'm sorry." She sniffled.

"Hush. No need. We're friends, remember?" 

"I'm sorry." She repeated. "I'm sorry." It was as if she was in some sort of trance as she murmured apologies. She didn't even know what she was feeling or why she was crying.

She had controlled herself so well for all these years but as she looked at how fond Yusuf was of his daughter and how she could finally have a child despite thinking she would never again be a mother, it just broke her heart. And when she looked into Yusuf's loving eyes full of warmth for his daughter as he spoke of her so fondly, she just couldn't handle it. She'd always wanted Arham to look at their daughter like that.

Yusuf called his daughter beautiful, Arham called his a waste of space.

Yusuf cherished his daughter, Arham condemned his.

Yusuf loved his daughter, Arham had shown his nothing but hatred and cruelty.

How Hamsa had a father like Yusuf. And how her Alina had had a monster.

It broke her heart. She never thought she'd be a mother again and yet God was giving her a chance to do something right for once in her life.

She promised herself she'd give Hamsa all the love she had left over. Hamsa wasn't going to feel anything but happiness and joy so long as she was under her care.

"Thank you, Yusuf." And with that, her heavy eyes clasped shut as she fell asleep.

After a while, Yusuf woke up to see Durdanah in a heavy sleep a little far from him. Her tears from earlier still on her face. God knows what she'd been through, to cry and shake and tremble like that. When he saw her like that, he didn't even want to know what happened. If it broke even strong Duri's spirit,  Yusuf definitely would not be able to stomach it. He'd always been weak like that.

"Good night, Duri." He whispered as he watched her sleep, while thinking of his childhood with Rania and her. She looked anything but peaceful, making him worry.  

What did life have in store for them?

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SO SURPRISE I FINALLY MANAGED TO UPDATE!!! :D