somewhere only we know (joshler)

three

sometimes things didn't feel as heavy.

sometimes tyler was all color. he was a watercolor painting, with laughter dripping off of his fingertips like water. he grinned and joked and played basketball with his dad. sweat built up around his neck and he didn't itch at it, and peel away the burnt skin because he liked the sting.

those were his favorite days.

everything was easier when the world was bright like that. it felt less like the sun was a blaring alarm and more like it was warm on his skin and surrounding him and holding him in place. it wasn't suffocating, instead it was comforting.

he liked waking up with song lyrics on his lips and a pen on his hand. he liked looking out of the window and seeing something beautiful instead of something that weighed on his heart and pulled him underwater.

the day that tyler met josh was not one of those days.

in the clearing in the forest, tyler lay with his eyes closed and his arms on his stomach. his chest rose slowly, and when he held his breath, it felt flat. that was good. maybe he would eat dinner tonight.

(he tried not to feel sick at the thought of grilled cheese sandwiches and carrots and ice cream, but his stomach turned anyways. it had been so long.)

the world felt still, with the trees surrounding him like guards and the clouds above him. when everything was quiet and the world didn't feel like it was spinning so fast, tyler felt still. at peace.

"hello?"

tyler's eyes flew open and he was on guard and looking around for whoever had found his place. no one else knew that this clearing existed. no one. a branch cracked to his left. a bird flew away behind him. on his right, tyler could almost hear the road.

there was a flurry of movement in the corner of his eye and tyler spun towards it.

and there was a boy with hair that fell in his eyes and pale skin and the kind of eyes that were made for love songs and piano notes. he stood in the shadows of the trees and tyler almost wondered if he was even real or just a trick of the light.

"oh," the boy said, and tyler thought he could see the sorryi'llgonowsorrypleasedon'tyellatme in his words and the bite of his lip. "sorry, i didn't meant to - " he waved a hand and the world shifted and a line of skin appeared where his tank top had moved. tyler tried not to stare. "interrupt. i'll just. yeah."

tyler watched the boy look away, hair falling over his forehead. a cloud fell over the clearing and tyler felt the wind kiss his neck and he wondered what it would be like to talk to this boy.

his words were heavy and dull and gray but this boy looked so alone. "who - who are you?" he stumbled over his words, his tongue unmanageable and his lips still moving in the shape of songs he would never play. "i - i don't think i've seen you around before."

the boy turned and he smiled and tyler's heart stilled. "i just moved here," the boy said. "i'm josh. josh dun."

tyler looked to the grass next to him. it was dead and scratched but josh was standing and tyler wanted to know what his smile looked like up close. here was a ghost and he was more alive than tyler had ever felt. the cloud's shadow passed, but neither boy noticed. "i'm tyler joseph. welcome to the neighborhood, i guess."

josh smiled and he made his way towards tyler slowly, like he wasn't sure if he could. the leaves crinkled under his feet and tyler wondered if they hurt josh's ears the way that they did tyler's. only josh was getting closer and all the white noise of the leaves dying and the grass bending seemed to fade, because here was a boy who smiled like it might never happen again and that was all that tyler could think about.

"thanks," josh said. "you're the first person i've met, actually."

there wasn't anything musical about his words. it was matter of a fact, strong. sure. he was still in a hurricane. a marble cliff while the ocean tore at the land. tyler almost instinctively leaned towards him, gravitated towards this boy who made things still and made loud things quiet.

"oh," tyler said. "sorry. i'm not the best welcoming committee." he hesitated before all of his words, as if he was picking through a dictionary to find them, painstakingly choosing the right ones for josh. it had been so long since he cared what his words meant.

josh sat down next to him and tyler felt warm all over. josh was so alive that it almost burned the skeleton that was tyler joseph.

"you're doing a great job," josh said.

tyler leaned back on both hands and tried to seem relaxed. he watched the clouds pass over each other. inhale. exhale. his and josh's chests rose in sync. he wondered if that meant anything.

josh sat with his legs criss crossed, and his breathing was steady. he watched the clouds run away from each other like repelled magnets. inhale. exhale. his hair seemed to catch flame in the sunlight.

the two sat in silence until josh had to go, but the quiet didn't feel stressed. it was simple and honest and it was so much more than the quiet when tyler was alone with the sound of his breathing.

josh's shirt stuck to his back when he walked away and tyler decided that he could come up with a million songs and none would catch the color of his eyes when they glowed in the shadows of the trees.