Zayn
She didn't melt into the group very easily, it was obvious that she felt uncomfortable at times. There was something about her, though, that made everyone trust her instantaneously. Autumn told me that she liked her a lot already, and it was always nice to have positive feedback from your friends.
"You leave Thursday, yeah?" She asked as she watched my face. We both knew that she was aware of the answer, instead she was asking to remind us. Remind us that we only had six more days together and then reality would hit. The truth that I had a job where traveling was a great deal of my year, and that she had a very set life right where she was. The past week had been full of slight hesitation, whether it was going out to a movie or to dinner, we were both all too aware that the days of blissful ignorance were going to end.
"You can come with me," I said quietly, knowing immediately the answer would be no. She always surprised me though, and I couldn't help but wish she would surprise me again - like I had been when she said yes to being my girlfriend.
The look across her face gave away the obvious response. We settled into another silence and I watched the people walk past, not one of them sparing a glance to the couple in the corner. Hannah's Cafe had become one of the spots we had visited almost daily, no one cared about the people who sat in the corners at the little wooden tables with mugs of coffee in front of them. It was a part of town where no one went unless they were on their way somewhere.
"What are we doing?" Joelle's head was tilted to the side and she almost looked confused, as if she just suddenly had the realization of what she was doing.
"Having coffee?" I responded slowly, knowing it wasn't what she meant.
"This isn't in my life plan. How did I end up here, dating a boy I hardly know? My family doesn't even know… The only people who really know, are your friends. Do they even know? Or am I just the sudden charity case?" As always, her words weren't said with any particular emotion. They were said softly and more inquisitively, than angry or frustrated. She truly just seemed confused.
"I know you better than most of the people in your life," I said as I reached out to rest my hand on hers. "That's the point of dating; getting to know each other better each day."
"I'm not some girl that molds to what people make of her, I've never been that kind of girl. So why did I melt into your hands just like every other girl out there?"
Joelle avoided eye contact, instead she trained her eyes on the people in business suits who were rushing up and down the street. It was fun to watch her watching others, to see how the wheels inside her head as she wondered what each person's story was.
Her words brought a thought into my own mind. Was I doing this to prove something? Was I so caught up in trying to prove people wrong, that Taryn was now a fleeting memory and that everything was fine and dandy? The girl in front of me truly was an incredible person and there was something there, but was it all that I thought it was? Were we just each other's muses?
"I'm sorry," she said.
"What for?" I asked.
"I obviously brought up something thought-provoking. You've been staring with great intensity at the table for at least two minutes now. But how long can we go on with this?" Joelle slipped her hand out of mine, pulling it into her lap where she clasped both of her hands together. It reminded me of a schoolgirl, sitting on the bus as she headed to her first day of school. Nervous, anxious and unsure if she'd make any friends.
"Wanna go for a walk?" I offered, scooting my chair back. I felt like the world was closing in on me and I wasn't sure what to do. She followed my lead and was soon standing beside me. After we had made it twenty feet from the restaurant, I grabbed her hand and entwined our fingers. She didn't protest, so we continued to walk in our silence. "Why are you so afraid of commitment?"
"It's not commitment I'm afraid of. I don't want to fall in love, because all it ever does is lead to heartbreak. Whether that heartbreak is because of death, a fight, or whatever… It happens. It's a trap." Joelle stated as if it was obvious, not once even turning her head slightly toward me.
"Is it because of your parents?" I asked, knowing that she talked about her family - although she never went into detail about them. I knew I should have waited and just let it go, but curiosity was greater than concern on how she would react.
"Not really. They're happy, you know? But I see the magazines and I announce on a radio station, for pete's sake, I know how many breakups are talked about in the media on a daily basis. The same thing happens with normal people - they cheat, they lie, they die. It's not worth it to be so in love that when something horrible happens, you can't go on anymore. You give up everything you could have, all because of what you lost. That's scary." Joelle tightened the hold on my hand as she talked, staring downwards and keeping her feet aligned with the cracks on the sidewalk.
Without even meaning to, I had cut open an old wound. There was no way of knowing exactly what she was talking about, but there was a hurt behind her words. "Harry, Autumn, and Moni are going bowling tonight. We should go. We have the whole place rented out, so no need to worry about paps and I'll keep you safe if anything happens, alright?"
"You're not going to let me go, are you?" She laughed softly, a smile pulling at the left side of her lips.
"Not easily, no. I promise to not charm you into falling with me, just live a little. We only have one life to live, so dating me for a few weeks could be just a fun thing. No worries about commitment, or love, nothing. We hug, we hold hands, we talk. That's it."
"Sounds a lot like friends with benefits, and that never works out for anyone." Her tone had completely changed from the almost broken way it had been only moments before, now she was laughing and leaning into me more.
"We can just confuse the heck out of everyone, it'll be like a game." I joked. "But in seriousness, can I introduce you as my girlfriend?"
"Fine," she consented. "But only to your bandmates and close friends! If this gets out into the media…"
"Believe me, everyone thinks I'm dating Autumn or Moni. Worse comes to worse, I give one of them a piggyback ride during the tour and bam, Joelle who?" I squeezed her hand.
She smiled up at me and I couldn't help but smile back. I was probably making a horrible mistake that I would regret later, but how can you hate something when it feels so right in the moment? I wasn't going to let Taryn plague my life forever, because she was gone. Despite Autumn's warnings, I wouldn't let anything like that happen again.
Joelle wasn't going to fall in love and I wasn't either.
We could date and then just be friends, right?
