Here you can request for me to read your story and I will write down what I think about it, and how it helped me grow as an aspiring writer.
Cover by lanaroj
Before: Your cover is okay. Although, I think it is too doll, and the image doesn't quite look quality. And the texts written below are a bit tiny. Also, like I always point out, real name over username on covers. It makes it look more professional.
I like your synopsis. It got me wanting to read more. Although, in the first paragraph of your synopsis, you had an info dump. You don't need to tell us his age, or where he works.
After: Wow this chap is long, so will the review.
I like how your chapter opens in a club. It just gives me this vibe.
Re-read your first paragraph. It's unclear.
Wohw... Third paragraph "worshipped him like a god" and not God. :) I take this stuff seriously. I.e Christianity :)
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"Hewasonlytenminutesawayfromthetinyapartmentheresidedinandsleptcomfortablyonasinglebed..." You can't join two different time points in one sentence. At least, not the way you did here. It confuses the readers on where he actually is at that time. Ten minutes away? Or sleeping on his single bed?
Okay in all your first chapter was good. It got me wanting more. I imagined a story like this when I was younger. You just have few errors that can be solved through editing, something even pros need. This isn't quite what I'm into but am curious, so I'll read on.
