Surface

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Author: georgetheghost
Category: Mystery/thriller

Before:
There is not a single thing that should be changed on the cover, its too perfect.

Your synopsis is written perfectly.

After:
I like the way your chapter started, very mysterious. Also, I admire your vocabulary and the way you described the scenario.

You could give more character descriptions, although its a prologue and you probably will describe later; but maybe like an eye colour, or skin colour will help. Let me give you an example.

For people reading offline the picture text is "his eyes were still open, yet drained and washed out, like the fuel

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For people reading offline the picture text is "his eyes were still open, yet drained and washed out, like the fuel...."

If you give an eye colour there it will help us picture the physical appearance of the dead man more.

"The civilians wouldn't feel the way that I feel" The last feel should be felt because the story is in past

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"The civilians wouldn't feel the way that I feel"
The last feel should be felt because the story is in past.

Gosh, I love and envy your prologue. Very well written, so much words to learn. You have castings so it will help picture the characters more. Although don't rely on this, still do your part of mental development.

meharrjdawg has already done a thorough review on your work, so there nothing really I can add.

I would read on and recommend.

Next: Morgan

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