It Was Always You

Regret

When you love someone so much that you are willing to lose yourself just to be with them, it shows how deep your love truly is, even if it causes you a life time of pain

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Lucas' POV

You know that feeling that you get when you are with someone that you just met for the first time, and you expect for it, at first, to be a little bit awkward, but you end up having a conversation like you've known eachother for a life time? Well, that's how I wanted it to be tonight with Emely. I guess it was just too much to expect from our first date. The first time Riley and I had a real conversation, I told her things that I never thought I would ever tell anyone, but I felt this light beautiful energy that allowed me to tell her my hopes, dreams, and secrets. I felt safe.

Emely didn't have that.

I don't know if it was because it was just our first date or because I expected too much out of it, but it really didn't feel right.

It didn't feel safe.

The date started off great. I picked her up, she looked great. We decided to walk to the restaurant because it was a beautiful night. The walk there was silent. She seemed comfortable with the silence but I wasn't. To be honest, I really didn't feel like being there anymore. There are moments in life that you just feel like everything around you is misplaced and you are lost in an unknown place with people that you don't even know. That's how I felt. All I could think of the whole time was how much I wanted my princess to be with me.

I needed her. I need Riley.

When we got to the resturant, we barely spoke ten words to eachother. It was worst than the awkward dates I had with Maya. I feel like that was party or mostly my fault. I'm not ready to move on. I thought I was. I wasn't even giving my all during the date. I was the one making it awkward, I was pushing away and I was distant.

I don't want to move on.

I don't want to want to move on.

I'm afraid that if I did, then that would mean that everything that Riley and I had, everything we felt, was just for nothing. I don't want that. She kept me sane. When I would stay up all night long, she would be the reason I was up. She was the one on my mind. She has this powerful control over me and I don't think I want to be free.

I feel like I did something really awful to Emely. I am the one who asked her out and I didn't even have the courtesy to put some effort into our date. That was wrong of me and I need to apologize. That was me acting like a soft Texas Lucas and she didn't deserve that. 

I need to talk to both Riley and Emely.

I just hope I'm not too late.

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Riley's POV

When you have someone in this world that you can go to when times are tough or stressful, and you know that they will listen, understand, and make you feel ten times better, you know you are lucky. Some people only have one or two of those. Some aren't fortunate enough and have to go through everything alone.

I have my secrets that I keep and I have to go through some of my rare struggles alone, but I can proudly say that I have so many people in my life that make me happy and make me feel like I am worth something. I am still on my journay to learn to love myself again and I can happily say that it is going quite okay so far. I may have times where I break and try to take another blade or knife or sissors or what ever I can hurt myself with, but atleast I know that I'm not alone in this journay. Even if I feel like I am.