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Things I Am Scared To Admit

Random

Just some stupid shit that I can't get out of my mouth, expressed by writing the words down instead. PS. This isn't a story, it is simply a collection of thoughts.

#afraid #anxiety #depressed #depression #destructive #fear #hate #insecure #love #real #replaceable #scared #truth #worthless

Fuck

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by H0leinthew4ll

by H0leinthew4ll

Fuck
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I'm conflicted, confused. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm hurt but part of me doesn't care. Part of me will throw myself into the flame just to be next to him again. Or to see my best friend smile genuinely.

The logical side of me is telling me that I can't go through that again. That I won't survive a second time. That depression will hit full force and drown me more thoroughly than the waves of the ocean ever could.

And what would she think? Would she be angry if I became his friend again, thinking of me as a fake? Or would she be happy? Happy that someone would be on her side about him. Would be happy to have more companionship.

I don't know what to do.
What am I supposed to do?

He told me to tell him when I know if I'm serious or not about befriending him but I don't think he realizes that its not an easy choice. He doesn't realize that every single fucking day he is on my mind whether its because of how he hurt me or if I could ever rebuild the bridge between us.

But it seems everything can't be easy.
Fuck.