Or Is It Real?

CHAPTER 3: Pizza and Bananas

Would you think I was weird if I said I think I'm falling in love with Lauren? I don't even know what love means really. Because what do I know, right? I'm just a goofy kid who hasn't even had her first kiss yet. The closest thing I had to having a wet kiss was when my dog decided to French kiss me. That's it.

What I do know is that what started as a simple friendship has been slowly blossoming as something more, at least on my part, and as much as I would like to deny that we're just friends, and convince myself that I like boys, deep inside me says otherwise. I can't understand it yet, but I know I feel something more as each day passes by with Lauren on my side, being all sweet and daddy.

You'd think I'm so cool about it, especially when people ask me about Camren and I'm like, whatever rocks their boats, dude! But deep inside I'm scared about these emotions that Lauren evokes in me.

What if my mom found out? I'm so gonna be dead and it'll be death by drowning in holy water, or I'd probably die of internal hemorrhage due to my mom smacking me endlessly with her thick-ass bible.

Lord have mercy on me.

So not only was I confused about my growing feelings for my bestfriend, but I'm also deathly scared of mom knowing that these thoughts were clouding my mind every second of the day. Excuse me if I have an early mental breakdown soon.

Anyway, it's  the weekend, and I've decided to spend it at Lauren's house, and we were in her room just talking about random stuff, while a Lana del Rey album played softly in the background.

I was laying on her lap as she absent-mindedly played with my hair, humming Video Games while she listened to me babble about Taylor Swift.

Now, let me tell you one thing about myself that you may not know: I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift as Lauren's obsessed with Lana del Rey. The difference is, I couldn't seem to shut up about my idol any chance I could get, most especially now that I am actually friends with her. Can you believe it? I'm friends with Tay-Tay! Like oh my god.

And you know how I know that Lauren is the best friend I could ever hope to have? Because she lets me talk about her for minutes straight, even hours, despite the fact that she really doesn't like her, although I'm wondering how could she not. She said she has nothing against her music or anything, she just wasn't her favorite, for some weird reason.

I don't know why she puts up with me, though. Normani, Dinah, and Ally don't seem too eager to listen to me rave about Taylor, which is understandable really, I know how annoying I must sound at every interview where I mention her name, but I can't help it, I'm the ultimate fangirl! I'm too hyper and too anxious that words just flow out of my mouth and I have a hard time shutting up.

But Lauren always listened to me. She never made me feel that what I was saying was insignificant.

I love Lauren. She's the coolest. I wish we could be friends forever.

"Lo? Have you ever been in love?" I suddenly blurted out. I don't know what has gotten to me and I was so ready to change the topic, but Lauren didn't laugh at my question, so I waited with bated breath for her answer.

"I guess so. I mean I have felt some intense emotions towards certain people before which at that time I'm pretty sure I was convinced I was in love." She continued playing with my hair as she looked at me curiously. "Why do you ask? Is this about that person in your song?"

I blushed.

Why do I always blush under her stare?

"No! I mean – I was just wondering... Like how do you know you're in love. Stuff like that. I'm stupid." I covered my heated face with my hands.