Temptation {Editing}

Chapter 47: Heal The Hurt

Adam quietly knocked on the closed hospital room door. There was no response. Adam placed his hand on the cold door knob and twisted it open. He had some news to tell Ashley, but when Adam walked into the room, Ashley was nowhere in sight. 

"Ash?" Adam asked as he walked further into the room. No response, yet again. Adam turned towards the bathroom and saw the horrific sight. Ashley was passed out on the tile floor. He wrists were dripping blood. 

After the 10 cuts, Ashley couldn't stop. She still had built up anger and pain. The other 20 cuts were her way to let them out.

Adam ran to Ashley's side. Pools of blood surrounded her bleeding wrists. Little did Adam know that she'd been laying there for over 20 minutes. Adam looked at his lifeless daughter passed out on the floor. Tears started to sting his eyes and before he knew it, he was shouting for help.

"Help! Someone help me!" Adam shouted over and over. After his 10th time screaming for help, a doctor came rushing in. His eyes bulged at the sight, but he knew what had happened. This wasn't the first time a cancer patient had done this. After a while, patients often feel like giving up. They feel like they're going to die anyway, so what's the point of staying in this hospital when nothing will every change. Little did Adam know, that's exactly what had happened with Ashley.

The doctor pushed Adam out of the bathroom and immediately bent down to help Ashley. He grabbed two white towels off of the counter and wrapped Ashley's arms. Her skin was more pale than normal, which frightened Adam. What if she was gone? What if she never came back?

She would never know that she was finally rid of the cancer.

That's why Adam was late to visit Ashley. Him and Jane had a meeting with her doctor to discuss her recent CAT scan results. The cancer was finally gone from Ashley's body. Thanks to the numerous months of chemo, it was finally gone. She would've been able to go home in a few days, but now it looked like she was going to be staying in this hospital for a lot longer.

***

After the doctors had gotten Ashley hooked up to receive more blood, Adam and Jane were able to walk into Ashley's room. She was still unconscious, but at least they knew she was okay. She was rid of her cancer, but now they had to deal with another issue. The issue that no one knew about until now.

"Adam, why'd she do it?" Jane asked through her sobs. "I honestly don't know. She never showed any signs of being sad or depressed. I think all these changes got to her. Look at her Jane. She's so different than the girl I met months ago. She so much thinner, her hair is gone, and her friends don't talk to her anymore. We're the only people she has. This was her cry for help," Adam said, trying to hold back his own tears.

Adam kissed Jane's head before walking over to Ashley's bedside. He noticed a folded up note that wasn't there when he visited her yesterday. He picked it up and saw Ashley's handwriting scribbled on it. It was a letter, addressed to Adam and Jane. 

***

Ashley wiped the blood off of her 10 cuts and sat on her hospital bed. She grabbed a pen and a pad of paper that Adam had given her to write fun little letters on. Too bad this wasn't going to be a fun letter. She was saying goodbye.

Dear Mom and Dad,

This may come as a surprise because you never see me frown, but I'm unhappy with my life. You can say I'll get better, but deep down I know I won't. This cancer is going to kill me and I've come to accept it. I haven't recovered, which leads me to the conclusion that I never will. I've been doing chemo for 5 months now and it isn't working. If this cancer doesn't kill me, then all this radiation exposure will. I've prepared myself to say goodbye to you. I know this may seem like a rash decision, but I've thought about it for a while now, and well today's the day.

I can't deal with my image anymore. I look like a completely different girl. I'm not Ashley Herman anymore. I'm just a sick, weak cancer patient. I'm nothing. I'm no one. I know you'll be reading this, blaming yourself. You couldn't have done anything differently. My one wish is for you not to blame yourselves. This is my choice. It has nothing to do with you. I know I'm going to die, so why keep going through all this suffering when my life will end soon anyway.

This is my goodbye to you. I love you both. I'm sorry that you've only known me for a few months, dad, and  you already have to say goodbye. I wish I could've gotten to know you better along with my half-siblings and Kaci. I don't want you to dread on my death. I want you all to move on.

Mom, tell Macey that I love her very much. Please don't tell her what I've really done until she's old enough to understand. Just tell her that the cancer killed me. I don't want her to have the burden that her sister killed herself until she actually can understand why. 

I'm sorry I am doing this to both of you too. I know this doesn't look good for either one of you. Your daughter killed herself. I'm sorry I'm putting this burden on you two. I love both of you a lot. You're the best parents a girl could ever ask for. Thank you for being there for me through all of this. I hope you guys can live happy lives after my death. Don't agonize over it because you couldn't have been any better parents. This has nothing to do with you. This was my choice, so please don't blame yourself. Know that this was my choice. If anything, donate money to cancer research. Then maybe you can stop this from happening to other cancer patients like me. 

I love you both and please move on after me. I will watch over all of you while I'm in Heaven. You'll have a guardian angel watching over you. I love you. And this is my goodbye. It was nice being on this Earth while it lasted.

Love always, Ashley 

Ashley wiped away her tears and folded up the note. She placed it on the stand next to her bed and returned to the bathroom. She picked up the blade and cut. 20 more times. At the 20th cut, she felt woozy and her world immediately went dark. 

***

Tears streamed down Adam's face as he finished reading the letter out loud to Jane. "She was hurting Jane and we did nothing to help her," Adam sobbed. "There's nothing we could've done. We didn't know. All I can say is thank the lord you came in here and found her. If not, our baby girl would be gone. You saved her life," Jane said before she hugged him. 

Adam looked over at his daughter. If he hadn't come to check on her, she would be gone right now. Hopefully when she found out the cancer was gone, she would get better. Hopefully she wouldn't try to take her own life, again. They needed to help her. Adam knew that he would do whatever it takes to make her better. He needed her to stick around.

He would do whatever it takes to help her get better.