Won't tell. (Previously Abraar) [wattys2016]

Stitch me with Love

There was no reason to smile, being dead was what I was accustomed to. Now being beyond dead became the new muse. I didn't know how to tell a single soul how I felt,it was out of words,out of speech to do so. I counted numbers in my head, I heard voices inside me but again nothing was moving. I would go home to Mara, go to Zarq,feed him,comfort him; I was lying to them both. I was sharing my body with Mara but she was desperate to find my soul unfortunately I gave that up in between..... to him.

"Good?"

I asked him as I fed him the last spoon of cereal from the bowl.

It's a pity he has no sight for five months now,he trips over the furniture,finds hard to do any chore,he can't even bake these days....he loves to bake. He tried so last week,he burnt his right palm.

He just nods to everything, he doesn't seem happy or present.

I lead him to the bedroom. He always can sense the wrong in me.

"You seem very busy these days?"

He puts up a question in his low voice.

"Yeah,I've got loads of deals and--"

"Fancy. Why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

He has asked the same question that he always asks,all these days I'm dodging him.

I leave to the hall. I know I must leave for my house but I am exhausted, mentally.

"I'm leaving"

I tell him.

I walk to the door and shut it and then return in the hall and in a corner I collapse.

I want to cry, scream. Curse the fate! But I can't, he's sitting on the sofa on the right side. To him, I am gone. To his blind sight I've left. So now he is what he is when I'm not around.

I raise my head to look at him. His face cold and still like there's no life in him. I bang my head on the wall behind without a noise. After a few minutes I saw his eyes move. A faint tear stream down his cheek and his sobs grew wilder with his scream.

I watched him break down in a few steps away from me, when I'm not around,this is what he is.

He cried and asked "why?" And what would I do now? I knew nothing. For the first time after years I could feel this pang of sting deeply moving the life out of my flesh as I shuttered on my thoughts and shivered with his every scream. How did something so small and unexpected become so painful and strong that now we seem too small to move it. I gasped as my breaths became shorter and his head fall back on the sofa, I covered my mouth and I could feel warm tears on my finger, I was crying....after years....I was crying......

The next day I woke up and continued my same schedule, going to office attending work clients and then finally with the setting dark to fear the coming. After work I visit Zarq but today I don't want to,instead I escaped myself to excuse this day and go home and rest.

When I walked in my room,Mara is on the bed combing her locks and looking disturbed. I was late last night and when I came back she was asleep when I went to office, I went out without waking her up. I change into my night wear and comforted myself on the bed.

The silence in my room like always circles around me. I can sense a storm coming.

~Mara~

Like everyday, like every time. It seems to just not bother him,to lure him,he like always enjoy avoiding me and I can stay here bearing all these aches his presence pour on me when he's around but still not here.