The P U R E B L O O D PRINCESS

ʟᴏᴀᴛʜɪɴɢ

It was the middle of the night and I stood nude in front of the bathroom mirror like I had done the day before. I couldn't help but hate the marks and scars and stitches placed upon my body. I couldn't help but feel furious...why couldn't I have just stay dead those years ago? Why was I foolish to ask the impossible of Adrian?

Tears prickled at my eyes. Why couldn't have I just accepted my first death and succumb to the feeling of sadness and the feeling of my body loosing to death? Was it selfish to want to live again? Had I made a mistake in having my soul preserved?

If I manage to die again this life around, I would leave so many behind and leave them so..so sad. I couldn't bare to see my loved ones faces if I died again. My mind hurt with my thoughts.

Angrily, I pinched at the deathly pale skin on my forearms. I clawed at the stitches placed around my thighs. Tears poured down my cheeks. I hated myself and I wanted to exist no more. Is this what life felt like? Real life and not happiness and smiles. Life was harsh and brash. This hurt. My heart and head hurt.

I looked down. My fingertips were covered in blood. The red liquid was running down my legs. I hadn't noticed I ripped the stitches from my legs, my skin was tearing literally at the seams. My mind was numb. It wasn't until I registered the pain that I screamed out in pain...my nails were pressing into the revealed wounds but I didn't remove them. I was too scared to move...my legs buckled beneath me and I crumbled onto the tiled floor.

Slowly, I curled into a ball, pressing my hands against my thighs to stop the bleeding. My legs felt like they were on fire but I had the urge to continue to pull each thread from my body. I didn't notice I was still screaming in pain and sobbing at the same time. A small pool of blood rested on the white floor.

It was Kaname who burst into the bathroom and rushed to my side. It was him who gathered me into his arms and went into action...he rushed me into the bedroom and carefully laid me on my bed before he shouted for someone to bring bandages and sewing equipment. A reply was heard through my hazy mind, I assumed everyone has awoken to my screams. Shakily, I cried out pitifully when Kaname's fingers gently pressed against my thighs.

"I have to stop the bleeding," He whispered down at me, his cold lips pressed against my forehead. I didn't even know I was apologizing for my stupid mistakes but he continued to reassure me, saying that everything would be okay. "I'll help you Kaja, okay?"

It was Mey-Rin who came into to hand a package to Kaname. Her glasses rested on her head and her intense eyes were on display. She looked down at me in sadness and I hated it. I weakly reached out with a shaky smile, patting her hand. "Just a bit of a fallout, I'll be fine."

All of us knew it was a lie.

It was the clumsy maid and the happy gardener who took my attention away from the sharp needle moving in and out of my skin down below. It was them two who made me smile and laugh as Kaname stitched my skin together, wiping blood away as he did so. I never once looked down, afraid of what I'd see. Would I still hate the stitches? Yes. They were a reminder of what happened to me. A reminder of how cruelly I was murdered. But put back together by a man I once called my best friend and loyal guard...a man who went out of his way to save my soul and to conjure up my body from thin air and repair me back together. I was thankful of course but I wanted every scar and mark gone.

A warm hand laid in mine, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I wanted to cry as I looked up into the eyes of the Kuran Prince...he looked at me with kind eyes and a gentle smile. He laid down beside me after quietly asking Mey-Rin and Finny to take the bloody towels away and to clean the bathroom. I ignored their looks and nuzzled into his embrace. He was so warm and smelt of home. "I'm so sorry," I cried, a flood of tears running down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry. I c-can't look at myself, I cant!"

Kaname said nothing as he held me in his arms, kissing the top of my head and rubbing my arms in a soothing manner. I didn't dare to move my legs, even a little shift would cause me to cringe in pain. I clutched at the silk nightshirt he wore,  burying my face into his chest. Again, my lover said nothing, continuing to soothe me until I felt drowsy. "Kaja," he whispered. I missed my name on his lips. "It's okay, you don't have to apologize...you don't have to look at yourself, it's okay. I promise I'm here to help and love you, forever. In time, these marks and scars will be gone. And I will still be by your side, Sebastian as well."  He gestured to the door and I lifted my head. There stood the demon I had fallen in love with, his face was blank but his eyes held concern and sadness. I looked away but held my hand out towards him with a quiet whisper, "please."

He obeyed and walked over, also joining Kaname and I on the bed. He sat next to my unoccupied side, caging me in between him and Kaname but I didn't mind...the two men I loved were close to me. He stroked my hair, his regular white gloves were gone and his black nails were on display. "Loathing is such a tragic feeling," he murmured. "Humans are the one who feel that way...but I know you are more human than me and I know you feel loathe towards your body. Am I wrong?"

I shook my head slowly. His hand never stopped stroking my white hair. Kaname seemed to be listening.

Sebastian continued, "You are angry for what those monsters did to you...ironic for a demon, a monster myself, to call humans monsters. What they did was wrong and they paid for their wrongs in their deaths. We love you, scars and all...you are beautiful and always have been and always will be to us. Humans tend to have themselves, I've noticed, they hate their appearance or their personality. It seems you are like that as well...you always have been, I've noticed. You can't change who you are, that may be harsh to hear but it's reality. You cannot change what took place long ago and you can't change how Undertaker put you back together but your scars and stitches will fade over time, Kaja. You must be patient."

"You will continue to feel and act out like you did today," Kaname whispered, his head rested on mine. I hadn't noticed but all of our hands were somehow intertwined. "That's okay and it's normal. We'll always be here to help you because we love you and your happiness means the world to us."

They continued their encouragements in soft whispers and my eyes slowly fluttered shut. My chest ached in sadness but I listened to their words as I slowly fell into a deep sleep, feeling their hands tighten on mine. I'd be fine...I knew I would be when I had these men by my side.