My Little Secret

Turntables

Jacob Perez

It wasn't a normal Saturday.

A normal Saturday consisted of Zoey, either being here with me physically or texting consistently. However, neither of those were happening right now and that was because of something I did.

After that thing with Dominic, I thought that was a sign you know, that it was what it was. I never looked at us as just two people who had sex and that's it. It was more than that, believe it or not. Well, it was to me. She was more than just a girl I pleasured, she was my babygirl.

It was almost like we were together. I couldn't give you a solid reason why we weren't official. I haven't really messed with any other girl besides her and I'm almost positive she hasn't be messing with anyone, considering what she told me about her and Dominic.

The fact she turned down that nigga for me like that means something. I felt bad for acting the way I did. Even though I didn't expect to get caught with Naomi, it happened. What probably made it two times worse was that she knew that Naomi was my ex.

I mean, I didn't lie when I told her nothing happened between us. I stopped it before anything could. Knowing that it wasn't Zoey, I couldn't. I'm glad I didn't though. But of course it looked bad regardless. Plus, I did have a big ass hickey on my neck.

I could tell she was hurt. From her hitting me to the tears that fell as she yelled at me, I could tell. Yeah, we both made it a fact that we weren't together, but we were at the same time. Everything was just so confusing.

On top of that, my boys weren't talking to me. I'm still not on good terms with Dominic and Marcus was hella distant with me.

I figured he would though, Lexi probably put something in his head knowing how strung up he is over her. He'll do anything she tells him too. She always begging me to tell him the truth when that all I've been doing. She been lying to herself for so long, she's starting to believe her lies, but that's not my problem. I have other things to worry about.

I wanted to talk to Zoey, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. I blew up her phone and she never responded. I called so many times, all went straight to voicemail. It seemed like she was avoiding me at school. I would ask Aviana, but she didn't know about us.

This week had just been awkward.

I legitimately had no one to talk to, no one to give me any brotherly advice or none of that. I was on bad terms with everyone and on top of that, no one knew about us.

Being lowkey wasn't our best decision. I always wondered how things would be if we were out. I wouldn't care what anyone thought. Hell, I'm Jacob Perez. If anything, girls would be mad that I actually settled down. That probably would've been my only dealings.

Before Zoey, man... I made myself so available. I was with a different girl at least three times out of the week.  Even while I was with Naomi, cause she was doing her own thing as well.

While I was sitting on the couch, looking for something to find on the television, I heard a knock on the door. I suspected it was my mom. She didn't leave here too long ago to go grocery shopping.

To my surprise, it was Zoey and Aviana.

I was confused. I didn't know whether to be happy or  ambivalent being that Zoey hadn't talked to me in almost a week and I had no idea, once so ever, why Aviana was her unless Zoey told her what was going on, which I doubted.

I finally opened door. She looked me up and down and tapped her foot against the ground.

"Are you gonna lets us in?" she asked nonchalantly.

I opened the door and moved out the way. They both walked in and sat on the couch. I followed behind, sitting on the couch across from them.

"I'm guessing she knows?" I pointed at Aviana.
She nodded her head.

"Ah okay.." I rubbed the back of my neck. " I guess I should start by apologizing to–"
"You can save your bs. That's not what I came over here for." Zoey waved her hand in the air.

"Z, let him speak." She rolled her eyes and Aviana motioned me to continue.

What was I apologizing for though? I mean yeah, for hurting her but saying just that wasn't sincere enough. I didn't want to go into detail about it and have to sit here and watch her cry and fume over it all over again.

" Look Z, I shouldn't have accused you of doing anything without talking to you first. For me to have thought that you would even think about stooping so low, showed you that I didn't trust you, which wasn't the case. I just retaliated negatively. By me doing that, I probably messed up the best thing that happened to me. You know, I'd do anything to have that back."

Nobody spoke after I finished. It felt like every second passed by slower and slower. I started to think I said something wrong.

"I don't know Jacob, I really don't. If I did, I knew that if you cared so damn much you wouldn't have done what you did, especially with her, out of all people. I knew better. No telling how long it's been though–" I stopped her so I could clarify what she just said.

"Nothing happened between us that day or no day since I've been with– I mean messing around with you. I'll admit that we kissed and what not, but that's it. You were on my mind the whole time, I just couldn't do it."

"Jacob you're full of shit. You can sit here and tell me fifty times that I was your only and that wouldn't make it true." She looked toward Aviana. "I can't do this." She got up and walked off.

I wanted to stop her, but for what? She had a story, and she's was sticking to it.

Aviana followed her. I could hear them talking but it was a whole bunch of mumbles. I heard the door close, but Avi returned back to the couch.

She threw me a plastic bag. It took me a minute to process.

"She's pregnant? Wait-"

She rolled her eyes. "No idiot. Listen, last week Naomi put that in Zoey's locker. It came with a note saying that she was two months pregnant and it was yours. So, Zoey ended up beating her ass and if you don't fix this, yours is next. She cares about you. Had I known what was going on between you two earlier, I would've gave you hell. What you're not gonna do is play my best friend and have her looking stupid, especially to your hoe of an ex. Yall and this on the low shit isn't going to work. So until your ready to be in a real relationship, don't bother hitting her line. and now that Naomi knows, everyone bound to know sooner or later."

She began to leave.

"Ever since I've been with Zoey, I've never been with another female. This baby can't be mine. I haven't paid Naomi any attention until recently which, I regret now but.. I don't know. We kept this lowkey agreeingly. If that's not what she wanted, it would've been different from the jump. I didn't want it to be either, but I wanted her happy."

I heard her sigh before she started talking.

"Jacob, you need to show her. Obviously everything your saying, she's taking it as bs. I'm taking it as bs. I know how you are. Until you show her, nothing you say will matter. If you really cared, you'd speed up the process. She's already risked too much for you. Its your turn. "

I zoned out afterwards. I heard the door closed, so I knew she left.

I cared about Zoey entirely too much to let her go but I also cared about her too much to allow myself to keep hurting her.