To the guy I'm not sure is worth a try
I know that there are a lot of people in this world, some might be better than you but all I could imagine is I don't want anyone besides me to feel the love you give, to get the time and attention you can offer, to be the reason behind your laughs and your smile, basically I just don't want anyone else besides me to have the honor of calling you mine.
But how do I say this?
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of broken promises and half hearted I love you's. I'm afraid of being left behind, I'm afraid of not being worth everything. I'm afraid that you might not be the same person as you were at first. I'm afraid of knowing that you'll find someone else—someone better. I'm afraid of all the what if's life has, I'm afraid of commitment because I might be the only one hurting in the end.
You can't blame me when all I ever experienced in life is the feeling of not being enough—the feeling of being left behind. I know you're not them, I have no right to compare you because you will never be them—you're you but can you blame me? When all I remember was the person who left when he said he wouldn't.
I would think countless times if ever I gave you a chance, what would have happened? Would I achieve the happy ending I know only exists in fairytales? Or would I experience the harsh ending reality has to offer?
It's not your fault, it's mine. I'm afraid of trusting people because now I know that they're temporary. That they will come at an unexpected time and will leave at an unexpected moment. I've grown into someone who learned the two words; Let go. I know well enough that people will eventually leave me but I'm still not used to the feeling after all the leaving that has been done. I just don't want to experience it again because I know it's you.
I'm sorry if I'm not sure. Give me the time to know you'll never be them. Give me the time to know if "us" is worth it, if it's all worth it.
Haddly Park
11:59 AM
07/23/16
