To the guy who deserves someone better
Thank you for the times you made me smile, cheering me up even though it was obvious that you didn't know how at first. Awkward questions such as, "Have you eaten?" or "Are you okay?" were often asked by you and I liked the feeling. The feeling of knowing that someone truly and deeply cares for you. I wasn't used to it yet but gradually, it became something like a song that gets played over and over again. It was sort of something you hear everyday and you get tired of hearing it. I was used to it already and now I'm tired of it.
Endearments and I love you's were often mentioned by the both of us but words do lose their meaning once you hear it all the time. Everything at first was somewhat like temporary bliss. I knew someday that I would get tired of everything yet I didn't expect for me to get tired of you this early.
I wasn't someone special either. I was the type of girl who wouldn't stand out in a crowd. I wasn't the type of girl who was the tulip in a field of roses, I was one of the roses myself yet I was the one you picked out of everyone and decided to shower me with the love and attention I'm not sure I deserve. The time we were together, even though it was limited, I enjoyed them. I could count the times we were alone together with my hands but I assure you, I was happy at that very moment but I'm afraid that when the next time we walk side by side together, I can't feel the same feeling I felt way back then.
I'm sorry if I'm here—apologizing because I'm afraid of hurting you. I was scared that I might lose you but I can't believe that it's different now.
I'm sorry if I'm not contented with what you are. I keep comparing you with someone else and I keep finding the qualities you lack in other people. I know you don't deserve that feeling. The feeling of being compared, the feeling of not being enough, and the feeling of sadness. No one deserves to feel that way but I'm sorry. I care about you somehow and I don't want you to get hurt further. The moment I realized I wanted to part ways with you, I knew in my heart that it won't be easy to tell you. I know that I was already hurting you yet you didn't know.
All you did was love me for me even if I wasn't anyone special. I had no specific talents, I'm not famous. I was a plain canvas still waiting for the time to be painted. I was still at the stage wherein I'm exploring what I truly am and yet you accepted me, for me. The person that's still incomplete and in the process of finding myself. Thank you, really. You cared for me sincerely and you love me. I couldn't ask for anything more from you except for forgiveness.
Forgive me. I don't know what's best but I do know that you deserve someone who isn't confused of their feelings for you— someone who will love you whole heartedly without second thoughts. You deserve someone who can return the love you're giving away, and you deserve someone else— Someone better.
Haddly Park
07/13/16
5:45 PM
