Charade

Benji

School was always one of those things I hated but had to do.

To me, it was just like sitting at a dinner table and being forced to finish your broccoli. Disgusting, unnecessary, and in the end, pointless.

I think the reason I hated school so much was because I didn't like having expectations. Everyone wanted something from me – good grades, good behaviour, but mostly, they wanted me to be something I wasn't. And when I tried so hard and couldn't meet these expectations, I would get so very angry at myself. I believed that I was stupid and unteachable, that I would amount to nothing, and when I said as much, nobody told me I was wrong. That kind of weight is a lot for thirteen year old. It became unbearable.

But when I stood in front of the parked rental, having just lost a good fifty dollars or so, all those memories came rushing back. Not good enough, not smart enough, not convincing enough. When Vic got out of the car, I thought he was going to yell at me like my parents always did. Point out all my flaws and make up a few more. But he didn't, did he? He told me I was doing well and not to worry. Something so small, so underrated, changed something inside me. I didn't feel stupid anymore.

It was at that moment I decided to tell Ashley.

"Hey," I said into my webcam.

Ashley was sitting on her bed, legs crossed, a bowl of cereal in her lap. The crunch of her fruit loops echoed through the feed.

"Hey," she said. "What's wrong? What was with the emergency text?"

My mouth twitched.

"I've got to tell you something," I said vaguely.

Ashley stopped mid-chew and stared at me. I couldn't quite meet her eye.

"Oh god, Benny. You didn't, did you?" She asked, putting her cereal away on the bedside table.

I looked up, eyebrows furrowed.

"What?"

"It's a girl, isn't it?" Ashley said. "You got her pregnant. No. You killed someone. No! Did you get arrested? Been released?"

"No, Ashley, just shut up for a minute. I... made a deal with... someone."

Ashley paused for a long moment.

"What kind of deal? With who?"

"Well, I... I was squatting, so I found an apartment in the city to stay, only... I broke into the wrong one. Nobody was there, so I didn't know, but then I found all this stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Ashley chimed in.

"Fake IDs, disguises, a journal. It was hidden in a safe. Then he came home and I hid in the closet. He found me. But I figured out what he was. Why he had all that shit."

"He? Who is he? What's his name?"

"Vic. His name is Vic. He's a conman. A scam artist. He found me and said that if I breathed a word, he'd kill me. But he let me go."

"Right, listen to me, B. You need to leave. Jump the next train out of there, sneak onto a bus, I don't care. You have to get out before he finds you."

"Ash," I interrupted. "It's too late for all that."

Ashley looked blankly at me.

"Okay, I'm coming. Right now. I'm getting my bags and – "

"No, just stop for a minute. After that I kept thinking about how much I could benefit from being a conman like him. I mean, I get by, but it would be nice to have some extra money. Maybe get an apartment. Somewhere I could stay permanently. So that morning I broke into his house and..." I cleared my throat. "Stole all the money and evidence – the IDs, disguises, the journal. Everything. And I left a note saying that if he taught me how to be like him, then I'd give back everything I took. And he agreed. I mean, he beat up me up pretty bad, but he agreed. We had our first lesson today."

I finally looked up at her, expecting the very worst, but Ashley stared at me blankly with her mouth hanging open.

"You did what?" She asked in a tiny voice.

"I just – "

"Are you insane?! Is this why you have the black eye and the bruised ribs? Because he did that to you?"

"Well, they don't really hurt as much anymore – "

"Did he do that to you?!" She yelled.

I shut my mouth for a long moment, not wanting to say anything. Why? Why had I opened my mouth and told her? How had I ever thought this was a good idea?

"Yes," I said quietly. "He did."

Ashley scoffed.

"You are a fucking maniac, Benny. Do you know what you've done? How much danger you're in?"

"Calm down, Ash. He won't hurt me. He just... doesn't have it in him."

"And how do you know?"

"Because I just know," I said. My eyes flicked up at her. "You know... the way I know things sometimes."

Ashley stared at me blankly, then sighed.

"Benny, this is so not the time to talk about your sixth sense bullshit."

"It's not bullshit, Ash. You know that I'm always right when it comes to shit like this."

"And you know that I've never been completely on board with this 'I get vibes of people that tell me certain things about them' crap."

"Look, I know what I'm doing. The evidence isn't even in the apartment. He'll never find it if I'm dead, and he knows it. I've got this under control so just... don't worry."

Ashley buried her head in her hands, shaking it in disbelief and disapproval, and then peered at me over her fingers.

"Benny, you're my little half-wit not-blood brother, and I would die for you. But your stupidity will kill you before I ever get the chance. This person – you don't know who he is. I don't care what vibes you get off him – you don't know him. He could seriously hurt you, or worse. If you were that desperate for money, why didn't you just ask? You know I would've given it to you."

I thought about this for a second, unsure what to say.

"I've been living like this for years, Ash." I said quietly. "Ever since I ran away from home. Out on the streets, in abandoned buildings, in someone else's summer home. I've been running away for a long, long time. And I guess I just want to find somewhere that I didn't have to run from."

"You did this all for house?"

"I did this for a home," I corrected. "You know that with my record, I can't ever get a proper job. I need money. I can't run forever."

Ashley paused, trying to think of what to say. I raked a hand through my hair, feeling worn out by the conversation. Our little talks were never this exhausting.

"Look, okay," I said, breaking the awkward silence. "I'll be careful, alright? If things get dangerous, I'll leave. But in all honesty, he really doesn't seem that bad. Something about him is just... I don't know... sad. I used to think he was just robotic, like he didn't feel anything, but now I just think he's covering something up."

"Something like a body in the basement?"

"No, you idiot. Like... I don't know, pain maybe. But he's not bad. At least, I don't think he is."

Ashley paused, rubbing her eyes. I knew she was tired from this little talk, too. After a moment of silence, she sighed and looked at me dead in the eye.

"Be careful, Benny." She said.

I nodded.

"I always am."

"And if anything goes wrong, I'll find this guy and skin him alive."

I laughed.

"Okay, deal. Love you, sis."

"You'd better, asshole."

And she hung up.

© A.G. Travers 2015