Charade

Vic

The greasy, salty scent of fried chicken, hot chips, and nuggets wafted through the air. The smell filled up the car almost instantly, making my mouth water in anticipation.

Excitement sparked inside my stomach. As bitter as the morning had been with Benjamin, I knew tonight would be filled with fun and laughter. But when I picked Lily up from school, I could see she wasn't thinking the same way.

"Hi there, Lily." I said as she climbed into the car.

A twitch of her lip, not even a smile, was my response. She still wore the wig from this morning, only now the false hair had slightly frizzed, and in the light I saw a few brunette flyaways. Her makeup had held up finely, with only her lipstick was duller than I remembered, the baby pink peeking through smeared red. She still looked unnaturally older, unnaturally beautiful. It still bothered me.

"I brought you something." I said, reaching behind me to give her the handbag, which was hiding the delicious, fattening goodness inside. She took it in her charcoal-smeared hands and scowled at it.

"What's this?" She said.

"Open it." I smiled.

Hesitantly, Lily grabbed the zip and pulled it across. She scowled down at the greasy goods.

"For our movie night," I said.

"Are we going now?"

"Well, I was thinking so – "

"I want to go home and change first." She interrupted.

I paused, unsure how to respond. I wanted to scold her for interrupting me with such an impolite demand, but didn't want to ruin the night. Thirty seconds with her, and I was already walking on eggshells.

"Well, we can do that first if you like." I said, putting the car out of drive.

We rolled away from her school, the air remaining as still and fragile as glass. We drove in silence for a little while, I unsure what to say and Lily not making the effort at all. When we hit a set of traffic lights, rain began to fall again, smearing oranges and yellows across my windscreen. I hit the windscreen wipers just as the lights turned green.

"What does green mean, Lily?"

"Green means go!" She squealed, laughing and hugging her teddy bear in the backseat.

The memory hits me hard, like a punch in the gut. Those days, so innocent and pure and joyous, had slipped through my fingers like sand, leaving me with nothing but grain under my fingernails and a hole in my heart. Why had they been so short-lived?

People behind me were honking their horns and I snapped back to reality. The light was green and yet I remained still. I collected myself quickly and slammed down on the accelerator, yanking the car through the lights, and causing both Lily and I to fly backwards into our seats. Lily grabbed the backseat cover in balled fists, fear in her big gloomy eyes, and she screamed:

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

I slowed down automatically, trying to get both the car and myself under control. What was wrong with me? My breathing was hard, panicked, but there was no perceivable danger. I glanced up into the rear-view mirror, watching Lily sit glued to her seat, sweat dripping down her temple. Oh god, how badly had I scared her? Guilt welled up inside me.

"I-I'm sorry, Lily." I said.

"Are you insane?! What the hell's the matter with you?!" She yelled, fists slowing unclenching the seat cover as blue fire burned in her eyes.

"I don't know, I just... I'm sorry, Lily. I didn't mean to scare you."

Lily, for whatever reason, saw the panic and guilt in my eyes and her face relaxed, all the anger and fear draining out of her. Her breathing slowed, as did mine, and when she spoke, her voice was soft and genuine.